Posts Tagged ‘dementia’

Baby Boomers Take Note: A Wonderful Use For Your Flip Video

Sunday, May 30th, 2010

Most Baby Boomers have a video recorder. It may be an older video camera you bought for taking videos of the kids growing up, or a cool new Flip Video, but you know you’ve got one. After reading this you’re going to want to dust if off and recharge the batteries.

For her mom’s 75th birthday, Ann Mehl had her filmmaker friend Mark McDevitt film her mother as she went around doing her daily tasks. Ho hum you’re thinking, right? Before you dismiss it as just another family video, check it out here on the NY Times site. Ann’s mother has dementia, and Ann has written several time for this blog, about her experiences caring for an elderly parent. Mark has captured her caregiving, and kindness as well as the wonderful spirit of Ann’s mother. Here are some ideas for video records for your own family and you don’t have to have a professional do them:

  • Practical: Shoot videos of each room in the house, focusing on valuables. Copy this video to a thumbdrive and move it to a secure place off-site in case of fire or theft. This way you’ll have a record for the insurance company.
  • Delicious: Is there a family recipe or cooking technique you’d like to know about? Sometimes a pinch of this, or the right texture for meatballs or pie crust is better filmed than on a aging recipe card.
  • Enthralling: What better way to have the family stories preserved, than by your family’s best story teller?
  • Timeless: Do you really look at your photos on the computer? Wouldn’t you rather see your family as they were at that moment in time? The NY Times piece said “If we want to remember the people they were at 75 or 85 or 93, why don’t we document their voices and smiles and stories using today’s simple, affordable technology?”
  • Creative: The Times article also pointed out that the younger members of the family may be the most adept with the technology, so why not let them have a shot at filmmaking?

What other uses for a video camera can you think of for your family memories? Leave a comment. As a side note, because I was so touched by the 75th birthday video, I’ve been working with Mark on another project, and it’s been a great experience.

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Posted in aging, boomers, caregiving, dementia, family, legacy, memories | Comments Off

Someone to lean on, a new workshop for caregivers

Monday, January 11th, 2010

It's All About Aging Ann with her momOne of It’s All About Aging’s favorite guest bloggers, Ann Mehl, is starting an exciting new workshop in February. As an executive coach and entrepreneur dealing with a mother with dementia, Ann knows firsthand what she’s teaching. For this series she’s teaming up with Angelica Perez, Ph.D., a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a specialty in geropsychology
and dementia. For those of you scratching your heads (like I did) geropsychology is the field within psychology devoted to the study of aging and the provision of clinical services for older adults. See…we’re already smarter.

Ann, in her “ample leisure”*, is also a marathon runner. She finds that a lot of her experiences with running translate into her business, and personal life. This from her most recent blog resonated with me and ties in so well with her workshop:

Get Help: The first time I signed up for a marathon, I was so worried about not finishing that I didn’t tell a soul I was running. So while there were no rallying crowds of supporters screaming, “Go, Ann!”, I did hear the occasional, “Ann? Is that you?” from puzzled friends on the sidelines. Why did I do this? I think I was terrified of failing and looking foolish in front of the people who cared about me. This is a don’t-do-what-I-did message: You may be able to handle things on your own, but you don’t have to, and you’ll likely make the going a lot harder. Invite people to support you in meeting your goal. If you can’t find a training partner (say, a friend who will encourage you to keep working on that novel), join a club (such as a writers’ group). But build yourself a small network of like-minded individuals who will support you. Good partners will hold you accountable, lend an ear, and share a fresh perspective, just when you need it most.

The workshop will be given Mondays during the month of February. Click here to order your tickets. And don’t forget to check out the first Blogging Boomers Carnival for 2010, lots of good posts to get your year off to a great start!

* as used by my former partner when you have none…

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Posted in aging, caregiving, dementia, family | 1 Comment »

10 Questions About Dealing With Aging Parents

Monday, September 21st, 2009
Ann Mehl with her mom

Ann Mehl with her mom

Ann Mehl a life coach and marathon runner has written eloquently for us before. Now she answers 10 questions about her experiences taking care of her mother.
1. How did it start?
My mother’s dementia showed itself gradually over time. Her memory loss and mental confusion escalated after my father passed five years ago.

2. Did you feel prepared for dealing with everything? Why or why not?
I did not feel prepared to handle all of the matters related to my mom’s paperwork and financial situation as she was equipped to address most issues personally prior to this. She was able to drive herself to doctor’s appointments, grocery shop, cook, clean her house, manage her bills and tend to her banking. Now she can’t do any of this. My mom became fearful to do most anything outside of the house due to her confusion, so this meant that she needed help with many personal and household tasks which I hadn’t anticipated managing on a regular basis as I do presently.

3. What did you find the most difficult/frustrating part?
My mom is physically in good shape but her mind plays tricks on her and it restricts her from living a full life. In addition, she sees what is happening to her and I find it incredibly frustrating that there isn’t much that we can do to help, beyond the attention that we give her as a family. She is able to observe her gradual decline and I find it difficult to see her struggle with the handicap when she is trying so hard to remain upbeat and positive. She used to knit and sew, as an example but now has a hard time figuring out her machine or remembering how to follow a pattern. I feel as though she doesn’t deserve this infliction as she is young at heart and has always been so unselfish with her time and love for others.

4.    What surprised you most?  If you knew then, what you know now, what would you have done differently?
I might have tried to recruit a support network of women who live locally who might visit my mom on a regular basis just for social stimulation and company if I had known how isolating dementia can be. Otherwise, I have no regrets in terms of how I am handling her and her situation as I am present on a daily basis and managing her needs.

5.    How active/passive has your parent been?
My mom is a passive, sensitive woman who is shy and frightened by many things so she does not try to actively go beyond her comfort zone. She does not leave the house by herself or explore the limits to her condition without encouragement or another individual present.

6.    How has the process improved your relationship with your parents or has it deteriorated?
I have expressed my love and care for my mom to her directly on a deep level regularly due to this change as I want for her to know that she is not alone as she tries to deal with this stage of her life. I was always close with my mom but I have dedicated even more time and attention to her in the midst of her crisis.

7.    What makes you the most stressed?
I don’t know what lies ahead and I’d love to be certain of what will happen next, even though I know that the answers will come in due time. I find it challenging to take it one day at a time as I worry about how I will manage caring for my mom full-time while handling my own life and business.

8.    What advice would you give someone?
1.    Reach out and ask for help when you need it. Let all of your emotions out, especially when you are feeling sad and angry about the state of affairs with your aging parents as it is more healthy to let it up, then to bottle it all in. Feel the feelings.
2.    Practice self-care in the midst of watching after your elders.
3.    Remember to breathe when you are feeling extremely stressed or out of control.
4.    Stay in the moment with whatever is happening. Avoid trying to get ahead of a situation or expecting a different reality than what is the truth.
5.    Meet your aging elders where they are, rather than where you wish they’d be.

9.    What was your ah-ha moment, the moment when it was all ok?
Seeing my mom enjoy a moment with me or smile after spending the day together helps to release the pressure valve. It gives me a chance to see that simply being there for her is enough, even if I can’t make everything better or different. It isn’t all o.k. but it is enough, that we are both trying our best, and I can be at peace with that.

10.    What have you learned from this?
I have learned that there is nothing that I can’t handle and I have more grace and patience than I realized. I have also learned that in the midst of the struggle, there is learning and that I have a lot to give in terms of understanding and information for others, due to this experience.

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Posted in Alzheimers, aging, conversation, family, love | 1 Comment »

Left on Main, right on Elm…wandering with Alzheimer’s, or off to Cane Fu class?

Monday, September 7th, 2009
Probably not equipped with GPS

Probably not equipped with GPS

What would you think if your shoes had a GPS built into them? Not that it’s going to be a big part of Prada’s next line, but hey, with Miuccia Prada and technology, one never knows. In a city like New York, it would be interesting to see where you’d been, and how many miles you schlep during the course of a day. Have any of you ever kept track?

Not long ago we talked about a Lojack device for seniors. The problem was that it made the wearer look like Bernie Madoff waiting for sentencing. Now GTX Corp and Aetrex Worldwide are coming out with a shoe that has a built in GPS system. This is from the Washington Post:

“The major advantage of the shoe, said Carle, who’s also a GTX adviser, “is that we’re hiding the . . . technology.” The idea is that a person with dementia might have bouts of paranoia but would be unlikely to remember there’s a tracking device in his shoe and try to rip it out. Also, Carle said, because people with dementia often retain their habitual memory, they’ll be likely to put on their shoes before going out.”

Good to know, in the future, I’ll still be putting on my Pradas one shoe at a time…

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Posted in Alzheimers, Technology, aging, seniors | No Comments »

Caregiving for seniors, a story with a positive outcome

Monday, May 18th, 2009

It's All About Aging Mom and Dad's WeddingSometimes you stumble upon an offering which truly makes your life easier. I want to share one with you, especially as the story has a positive outcome.

My mom’s dementia causes her to feel afraid to venture far from home. I’ve spoken about her in a previous post: http://www.itsallaboutaging.com/blog/?p=230

In an effort to keep her mind stimulated and her body active, I had been researching services online which provide options for caregiving on a basic level to seniors. My interest was to find a local woman whom I could meet and interview, who would understand my mom’s situation and act as a companion to my mother in my absence.

http://www.craigslist.org/ did not feel trustworthy as a source and a call into the local chapter of http://www.alz.org/ wasn’t returned. Thankfully my sister located a site that provided us with the ease and comfort we were looking for in locating assistance: http://www.care.com.

Care.com provides a place for families and providers to easily connect, share caregiving stories, and get advice. The service enabled us to find and select an individual who had experience and references. My ultimate hope was that my mother would look forward to seeing this woman on a daily basis and a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship will flourish.

We quickly scheduled a date with a woman, “Lisa”, who looked friendly in her online profile, to meet with me, my sister and my mom.

Prior to the visit, Lisa asked us a few questions which I found to be worthwhile, such as:

-        Please let me know qualities about your mom which might be helpful to me in getting to know her.

-        What nutritional needs does she have?

-        What type of music does she enjoy?

-        Are there any subjects which I should steer clear of?

-        Does she have a list of medications for which I need to be mindful?

-        What is your mom’s favorite movie?

-        Does she have any trouble sleeping?

-        Are there books she tends to read?

-        What makes her laugh?

Lisa believed that most of the answers would flow from our interview together but she took the time to be thoughtful about gathering information beforehand. She gave me the feeling that she was interested to get to know the “woman”, (my mother), well beyond the “job”.

After a thorough in-person screening, we felt connected with her as she developed rapport with my mom and showed an understanding of the situation. Lisa also addressed my mom directly during the meeting.

I decided to hire her because her approach reminded me of the motto I had embraced while volunteering for http://www.littlebrothers.org which stated, “Flowers Before Bread”. Little Brothers – Friends of the Elderly as an organization strongly believes that aging adults deserve the special pleasures in life along with the basic necessities. I agree that love and dignity and beauty in life are as basic as physical needs.  I wanted for my mom’s caregiver to feel that way too.

We set up the arrangement as a trial basis for 1 month so that both parties could see if it was working. Since we started, it has been a learn-as-you-go experience. Thankfully, my mom has expressed  gratitude for the shared lunches that they’ve had, along with the walks in the park. Just as you’d court a partner for life, so are we getting to know our new caregiver. One day at a time.

Ann Mehl, Certified Life and Career Coach, http://www.annmehl.com

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Posted in Alzheimers, aging, boomers, family, goals, legacy, parents, seniors, stories | 1 Comment »

Living and dealing with Alzheimer’s: Ann’s story and life lessons learned, part 2

Monday, April 6th, 2009

It's All About Aging Ann Mehl's mom, SallyAccording to the Center for Disease Control, the numbers surrounding dementia are staggering. Worldwide, there are now an estimated 24 million people living with some form of dementia. Sooner or later, we all will deal with parents and loved ones whose health and memories are failing them. As my siblings and I learn to care for my mom who has dementia, here are some of the lessons I have found to be important.

Get the paperwork in order. Now!
My mom used to keep meticulous records. But as her forgetfulness grows, her efficiency diminishes. In order to establish personal management over finances, our family consulted an adviser and reviewed my mom’s budget, assets, insurance policy and pension benefits. This often takes time on the ground with the bank, over the phone with agents or in meetings with accountants, lawyers, etc. It requires patience, but you will be pleased with yourself later should your parent get to a stage where you need to be in more control of matters.

Here some things to keep in mind:

Consider establishing Power of Attorney as well as Medical Power of Attorney.
If you need to register a joint checking account in order to pay bills, begin the process now.
Consolidate any outstanding debt or credit card balances into one payment plan.
Carve out a living will and trust if they are not already in place.
Keep an active list of all the medications and physician records in the case of an emergency.

Ann Mehl, Certified Life and Career Coach, http://www.annmehl.com

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Posted in Alzheimers, aging, legacy, legal, parents | 3 Comments »