Archive for the ‘legacy’ Category

What would you do for a raspberry blueberry pie? Secret family recipes.

Sunday, August 15th, 2010

Does your family have secret family recipes? Mine does. My mother’s secret recipe is for a raspberry blueberry pie. It’s powers are so strong that years ago an old friend of mine agreed to drive my parents’ cat from their house in Maine, back to Boston, in return for a pie of his own. Now I know you’re thinking that it sounds like a pretty sweet deal, pun intended, but the cat in question was not a good passenger. Not only would he howl for the entire four hour trip, he would manage to do so in between throwing up on whoever or whatever was in the back seat.

My grandmother, on my father’s side, was famous for the caramels she would make every year for Christmas. We couldn’t wait for the package to come from Michigan. There was always a small box with perfectly wrapped caramels full of buttery goodness. My parents would dole out the caramels day by day if we were good, until Christmas when the box usually was finished before dinner.My brother got the recipe from Grandma before she died.

The next time you get together with your family, remember the great recipes that are part of almost all our heritages. What’s your family’s heirloom recipe?

Don’t forget this week’s Blogging Boomers Carnival!

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Posted in family, legacy, memories, parents | 10 Comments »

Baby Boomers Take Note: A Wonderful Use For Your Flip Video

Sunday, May 30th, 2010

Most Baby Boomers have a video recorder. It may be an older video camera you bought for taking videos of the kids growing up, or a cool new Flip Video, but you know you’ve got one. After reading this you’re going to want to dust if off and recharge the batteries.

For her mom’s 75th birthday, Ann Mehl had her filmmaker friend Mark McDevitt film her mother as she went around doing her daily tasks. Ho hum you’re thinking, right? Before you dismiss it as just another family video, check it out here on the NY Times site. Ann’s mother has dementia, and Ann has written several time for this blog, about her experiences caring for an elderly parent. Mark has captured her caregiving, and kindness as well as the wonderful spirit of Ann’s mother. Here are some ideas for video records for your own family and you don’t have to have a professional do them:

  • Practical: Shoot videos of each room in the house, focusing on valuables. Copy this video to a thumbdrive and move it to a secure place off-site in case of fire or theft. This way you’ll have a record for the insurance company.
  • Delicious: Is there a family recipe or cooking technique you’d like to know about? Sometimes a pinch of this, or the right texture for meatballs or pie crust is better filmed than on a aging recipe card.
  • Enthralling: What better way to have the family stories preserved, than by your family’s best story teller?
  • Timeless: Do you really look at your photos on the computer? Wouldn’t you rather see your family as they were at that moment in time? The NY Times piece said “If we want to remember the people they were at 75 or 85 or 93, why don’t we document their voices and smiles and stories using today’s simple, affordable technology?”
  • Creative: The Times article also pointed out that the younger members of the family may be the most adept with the technology, so why not let them have a shot at filmmaking?

What other uses for a video camera can you think of for your family memories? Leave a comment. As a side note, because I was so touched by the 75th birthday video, I’ve been working with Mark on another project, and it’s been a great experience.

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Posted in aging, boomers, caregiving, dementia, family, legacy, memories | Comments Off

How much do you really love your loved ones?

Monday, January 18th, 2010

Everyone always gives lip service to how much they love their family, but if you don’t have a will, it’s just empty talk.

It's All About Aging Parrot LoveIn the survey we ran last fall, 45% of the people responding did not have a will. This is about on par with the national average. So what’s preventing you from doing this? If your idea of a legacy is leaving your family and friends fighting it out in probate court for years, then just go read another blog. If it’s one of those items forever haunting your to-do list, why don’t you decide to push it to the top of the list? Call your lawyer, make an appointment. If that’s to much for you, at least go to something like legalzoom, or Suze Orman’s site, where they have simple questionnaires to fill out and create a will. Here’s a pretty straightforward explanation from AARP: “Identify who will inherit your estate. Use your will to say who gets what. You can leave everything to your spouse, a painting to your granddaughter, divide everything equally between your two kids, or leave various percentages to friends and charities.”

So get to it! And for those of you who already have a will, when was the last time you updated it? Just a thought.

Don’t forget to check out this week’s Blogging Boomer’s Carnival, and please if you haven’t already, donate to the Red Cross or Doctors Without Borders to help Haiti.

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Posted in aging, conversation, family, legacy, will | 1 Comment »

How do you give yourself to science?

Monday, December 7th, 2009

A recent query on HARO was asking for sources who were considering donating their bodies to science. My husband It's All About Aging Bodyand I have always been organ donors, and we both want to give all or most of our body parts to science. Reuse, recycle, nothing new, right? But have you ever thought about how you go about actually arranging it? Like many other things, it’s not quite as easy as just having the idea.
While organ donation, at least in New York, is just a matter of signing the back of your drivers license, whole body donations are not quite so simple. First of all, you need to decide whether you want to be an organ donor or, donate your full body. I always thought you could harvest the organs, and then donate the body, but that’s not the case. First of all, organs need to be harvested while you’re still technically alive (but brain dead). Whole body donations are done once you’re dead, but need to be done before the body is embalmed. And there is also living donation, such as donating a kidney, or bone marrow while you’re still alive. The Mayo Clinic will decide which is the best use of your body, however most other sites will only take the body if the organs are intact.

According to Organdonor.gov: “You can inform your family that organ donation is your first choice, but if it is found that you are not medically suitable for organ donation, your family can carry out your wishes for whole body donation.” No matter what you decide to do, you must make your wishes known while you’re still alive. The Mayo Clinic and other sites have donor forms for both organ and whole body donations, but you also need to discuss your wishes with loved ones.

Remember that each organ and tissue donor saves or improves the lives of as many as 50 people. Isn’t that the best legacy you could leave?

And don’t forget to check out this week’s Blogging Boomer’s Carnival!

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Posted in conversation, family, legacy | 4 Comments »

Avoid Your Own Astor Disaster or Where There’s A Will…

Monday, October 12th, 2009
Do you want this to be your legacy?

Do you want this to be your legacy?

While it’s safe to say that no members of the Astor family will be taking away the Nobel Peace Prize (and congrats to President Obama) that’s not to say that we all haven’t been following the drama as it unfolds. Most of us are not in that financial stratosphere (and if you are, how about investing in this site?) but there are important lessons to be learned even if your estate consists of a minuscule savings account.

First, have a will. Surprisingly, in the survey we ran last month, of over 160 respondents, over a third of them didn’t have a will. The oldest group (70+), two out of three people did have a will, the third person hadn’t even started thinking of it. What are you waiting for? A free-for-all with your relatives and friends? A six month trial with endless appeals? In the age group 56-70 the majority had wills, but the numbers dropped significantly in the group 41-55 with only 54.7% having a will. This is a group that has children, but almost 25% of them didn’t have a will.
Even if you draft a basic document from one of the legal websites, like Legalzoom or go to Amazon.com for the Suze Orman’s Will & Trust Kit, it’s better than nothing at all, and no matter how much you may deny it, the thought of ________ getting their hands on your __________ should send you running to the lawyer.

Second, communicate with the people you care about. And communicate early. The more people who know what your wishes are, the less chance that your favorite Childe Hassam painting won’t disappear from over the sofa. Some people use the 40/70 rule for starting the conversation (meaning that when someone is either 40 or 70 start talking) but if you have children of any age, your estate should be in order to protect your children. And why would you want to make your passing any more painful for them by dying intestate (without a will)? On the CBS Moneywatch site there’s a great list of 12 tough questions to ask your parents, and don’t feel you have to limit it to your parents. You might want to go through the list yourself and make sure you have all these bases covered.  That’s what I did before I approached my parents.

I’ve learned from having these conversations with my parents that it’s REALLY tough to break the ice, but once it’s broken, you’ll be surprised at how easy it is to work on this, one step at a time. And isn’t a good night’s sleep, knowing everything is taken care of, better than the nightmare of endless legal wrangling? Let me know how you’ve done. The next time we do a survey, I want 99% to have a will, ok?

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Posted in aging, conversation, family, legacy, legal, memories, parents, will | 2 Comments »

Would You Save Your DNA in a Swiss Account?

Monday, September 28th, 2009

Shades of Jurassic Park…

Which is the key to your DNA?

Which is the key to your DNA?

There’s a new service that  allows you to save your DNA in a Swiss vault along with all your memories. It’s the Swiss DNA Bank, and it allows you to “Preserve yourself in Switzerland, the world’s safest place to be. Forever”. The premise is that you’re doing future generations a favor. This is from the site:

  • Preserve a fresh memory of you after life. Your loved ones will never forget about you.
  • Don’t waste your experiences, good or bad, but rather pass them on to help build a better world.
  • You never know what science will be able to do with your DNA in the future.

Here’s the cynic’s take on this: haven’t you always wondered what it’s like for the families of famous people, like say, Jerry Orbach, to see their dearly departed re-run on TNT’s Law & Order, all night long? On the plus side, there are residuals, but what’s it like to be immortal on film? Do you want to be able to pull up the dead on the Internet ? Facebook resurrection pages?

And shouldn’t you pass your experiences on, good or bad, while you’re still here? What good is it sitting in a Swiss vault, gathering dust (do they have dust in Switzerland?)? Unlike wine, does experience get better with age? Is a gigabyte enough or do you upgrade to 4GB (the size of my iPod nano) for an additional $299?

Finally, for those of you who don’t remember Jurassic Park, they recreated dinosaurs from the DNA in a mosquito preserved in amber, and it didn’t turn out well. According to Wikipedia: “Often considered a cautionary tale on unconsidered biological tinkering in the same spirit as Mary Shelley‘s Frankenstein…”

While it’s interesting to think about being recreated and coming back sometime in the future, what do you come back as? Yourself at the age you parked the DNA? A clone? An infant (who would raise you)? Some nasty warrior thing wrecking havoc on planet Earth? OK, so I’ve seen one too many bad disaster films.

Seriously though, would you spend $399 to park yourself in a Swiss vault?

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Posted in aging, family, legacy, memories, people | No Comments »

Caregiving for seniors, a story with a positive outcome

Monday, May 18th, 2009

It's All About Aging Mom and Dad's WeddingSometimes you stumble upon an offering which truly makes your life easier. I want to share one with you, especially as the story has a positive outcome.

My mom’s dementia causes her to feel afraid to venture far from home. I’ve spoken about her in a previous post: http://www.itsallaboutaging.com/blog/?p=230

In an effort to keep her mind stimulated and her body active, I had been researching services online which provide options for caregiving on a basic level to seniors. My interest was to find a local woman whom I could meet and interview, who would understand my mom’s situation and act as a companion to my mother in my absence.

http://www.craigslist.org/ did not feel trustworthy as a source and a call into the local chapter of http://www.alz.org/ wasn’t returned. Thankfully my sister located a site that provided us with the ease and comfort we were looking for in locating assistance: http://www.care.com.

Care.com provides a place for families and providers to easily connect, share caregiving stories, and get advice. The service enabled us to find and select an individual who had experience and references. My ultimate hope was that my mother would look forward to seeing this woman on a daily basis and a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship will flourish.

We quickly scheduled a date with a woman, “Lisa”, who looked friendly in her online profile, to meet with me, my sister and my mom.

Prior to the visit, Lisa asked us a few questions which I found to be worthwhile, such as:

-        Please let me know qualities about your mom which might be helpful to me in getting to know her.

-        What nutritional needs does she have?

-        What type of music does she enjoy?

-        Are there any subjects which I should steer clear of?

-        Does she have a list of medications for which I need to be mindful?

-        What is your mom’s favorite movie?

-        Does she have any trouble sleeping?

-        Are there books she tends to read?

-        What makes her laugh?

Lisa believed that most of the answers would flow from our interview together but she took the time to be thoughtful about gathering information beforehand. She gave me the feeling that she was interested to get to know the “woman”, (my mother), well beyond the “job”.

After a thorough in-person screening, we felt connected with her as she developed rapport with my mom and showed an understanding of the situation. Lisa also addressed my mom directly during the meeting.

I decided to hire her because her approach reminded me of the motto I had embraced while volunteering for http://www.littlebrothers.org which stated, “Flowers Before Bread”. Little Brothers – Friends of the Elderly as an organization strongly believes that aging adults deserve the special pleasures in life along with the basic necessities. I agree that love and dignity and beauty in life are as basic as physical needs.  I wanted for my mom’s caregiver to feel that way too.

We set up the arrangement as a trial basis for 1 month so that both parties could see if it was working. Since we started, it has been a learn-as-you-go experience. Thankfully, my mom has expressed  gratitude for the shared lunches that they’ve had, along with the walks in the park. Just as you’d court a partner for life, so are we getting to know our new caregiver. One day at a time.

Ann Mehl, Certified Life and Career Coach, http://www.annmehl.com

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Posted in Alzheimers, aging, boomers, family, goals, legacy, parents, seniors, stories | 1 Comment »

Living and dealing with Alzheimer’s: Ann’s story and life lessons learned, part 2

Monday, April 6th, 2009

It's All About Aging Ann Mehl's mom, SallyAccording to the Center for Disease Control, the numbers surrounding dementia are staggering. Worldwide, there are now an estimated 24 million people living with some form of dementia. Sooner or later, we all will deal with parents and loved ones whose health and memories are failing them. As my siblings and I learn to care for my mom who has dementia, here are some of the lessons I have found to be important.

Get the paperwork in order. Now!
My mom used to keep meticulous records. But as her forgetfulness grows, her efficiency diminishes. In order to establish personal management over finances, our family consulted an adviser and reviewed my mom’s budget, assets, insurance policy and pension benefits. This often takes time on the ground with the bank, over the phone with agents or in meetings with accountants, lawyers, etc. It requires patience, but you will be pleased with yourself later should your parent get to a stage where you need to be in more control of matters.

Here some things to keep in mind:

Consider establishing Power of Attorney as well as Medical Power of Attorney.
If you need to register a joint checking account in order to pay bills, begin the process now.
Consolidate any outstanding debt or credit card balances into one payment plan.
Carve out a living will and trust if they are not already in place.
Keep an active list of all the medications and physician records in the case of an emergency.

Ann Mehl, Certified Life and Career Coach, http://www.annmehl.com

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Posted in Alzheimers, aging, legacy, legal, parents | 3 Comments »

Choices

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

A couple of weeks ago, I was at a breakfast sponsored by Merrill Lynch called Passport to Longevity. Besides being the best food I’ve ever had at one of these events, the speakers were really interesting. The first to speak was David Solie whose book is “How to Say it to Seniors”. He said that there is a paradox for seniors, that on one hand they feel that they are rapidly losing control of their lives, and on the other hand they are  thinking about what their legacy will be.

The part about choice really stuck with me, and I think it’s an important lesson in dealing with our parents. As boomers, we tend to get all the self-help books, the information, consult experts, and present our findings to our parents as a fait acompli. David’s point was that if you can include them in the decision making process, giving them a choice, you stand a much better chance of having them come around to your point of view. A business coach of mine, Arlene Rosenberg http://www.arlenerosenberg.com/, spent a long time teaching me to always ask my staff how they would handle a situation, rather than just tell them what to do. It seems like this is pretty much the same idea. Give them ownership, and they will buy into the idea.

Next time I’ll talk about the other speaker at the event, Adriane Berg, and her book “How Not to go Broke at 102!”

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Posted in aging, boomers, legacy, parents | No Comments »

Stories

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

At a breakfast meeting yesterday, I had one of those light-bulb moments…you know when the caffeine kicks in? When it comes to issues about aging everyone has a story. The breakfast was titled Passport to Longevity: Women and the “Adventure of Aging”, sponsored by Merrill Lynch. David Solie and Adriane Berg were the speakers. They both come at the issues of aging from very different perspectives, but what stood out for me was the stories they both told. One of the things I want to do with this website is to have a space where people can tell their stories. Whether they’re legacy stories, to be passed on to another generation, stories of best practices, or stories to let off steam, all will be welcome.

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Posted in legacy, parents, stories | No Comments »