Archive for the ‘love’ Category

How Have Men Survived? 10 Calls That Did Not Change the World.

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

Have you ever wondered how men have survived all these years? Here’s a perfect example…

Last week, someone very close to me decided to go to LA for business. In a weak moment I sent him a link to a cheap fare on Virgin America.

  1. First call: “I can’t find the site, can you send me the link?”  Link sent.
  2. Second call: “There’s no cheap fares here.”  Try going directly to Virgin America.
  3. Third call: “It’s not cheap if I go next week”  Have to purchase 14 days in advance.
  4. Fourth call: “What if I go the 20th & come back the 21st?” You have surgery scheduled for the 21st. “Oh, right.”
  5. Fifth call: “I’m going to go the 26th & 27th.” What about the work you have to do on the Tony Awards?
  6. Sixth call: “I called and there aren’t any rehearsals scheduled for those two days.” That could, and probably will change.
  7. Seventh call: “I can’t find any cheap fares for when I want to go.” I go to Expedia, type in May 18th & 19th and find three fares to LA under $300. Try Expedia.
  8. Eighth call: “I booked it for May 19th & 20th. Great (thinking this is the end)!
  9. Ninth call: “Do you think I need a hotel room?” Well, you are spending the night, where were you planning on sleeping?
  10. Tenth call: “OK, I booked a hotel and a compact car.” That’s wonderful! (thinking it’s amazing there were no calls about a car…)

Let’s just hope the volcanic eruption in Iceland doesn’t decide to change directions between now and May 19th!

What’s your best survival of the fittest story?

Don’t miss this week’s Blogging Boomer Carnival, some great travel advice this week.

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Posted in aging, boomers, business, love, men | 2 Comments »

Hike 4 Hope. Will you please support a great event?

Monday, February 8th, 2010

This week’s blog is about a great event, Hike 4 Hope (that unfortunately I cannot attend this year). My friend Leslie wrote this earlier this week, and I think it says it all. Please give what you can to our team.

“My business partner, Eileen Stern, is an amazing can do woman.  Having lost 6 family members in a year (including her Mother) to cancer, she turned her tragedy into triumph by creating Hike 4 Hope, a fundraiser to fund women’s cancer research at City of Hope.   Twelve years later her grass roots idea has blossomed into an annual event & this year will host over 1000 participants hiking in the majestic Indian Canyons of Palm Springs.

When it comes to fund-raising for City of Hope, I have no shame.  My commitment to COH is a personal one.  Given three months to live, I’m alive today because of COH’s collaboration, care & research/development of the drug Rituxan.  COH research has also led to the development of other leading anti-cancer drugs; Herceptin, Avastin and Erbitux, as well as synthetic human insulin –all of which are saving millions of lives worldwide.  Additionally COH has pioneered the use of TOMO Therapy (pin point radiation) & the DaVinci surgical system (prostate cancer).

We are aware of an injured economy.  Unfortunately active cancer cells could care less.  Far too many of us know someone whose life has been impacted by this disease.  This year we’ve formed a team to hike in honor of our dear friend, Marcelle Freides, who is again battling breast cancer after a 5 year remission.  The great news is she is being co-treated at both St. John’s Hospital in Santa Monica & City of Hope.

This Valentines Day marks 4 years since my initial cancer diagnoses and a day of sharing gifts from the heart.  Please open your heart and support me by joining Marcelle’s Mighty Marchers through the link.  Your gift of hope will help benefit all the mothers, daughters, friends, and loved ones who deal with the shock of a cancer diagnosis every minute.”

And please don’t forget to check out this week’s Blogging Boomers Carnival.

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Posted in Fathers, boomers, crisis, exercise, family, goals, love, memories | 1 Comment »

How to Marry an Internet Serial Killer: Throw a Surprise Wedding

Friday, November 20th, 2009

I was never one of those women who pictured herself in a big white gown, walking down the aisle. For me it was more about getting married in Las Vegas by an Elvis impersonator on the Strip and having a great party in New York afterward.

When Frank and I decided to get married, my only stipulation was that my mother didn’t know about it. If that sounds harsh, understand the women on my mother’s side of the family tend to be a little obsessive. To compound that, my mother and my aunt are twins, my aunt lives in Manhattan, and used to be one of the famous fact checkers at the New Yorker. If the twins knew about the wedding, it would be endless obsession over food, drink, napkins, guests… everything.

It's All About Aging WeddingAs we usually host Thanksgiving, the plan was to get married the next afternoon. A justice of the peace was found who would come to our country house and perform the ceremony. We told everyone he was an architect coming to look at the house, and he was great about playing along.

On Friday afternoon, a few friends and family were up at our house eating turkey sandwiches, hanging out in their slippers. My best friend/maid of honor, and I were frantically trying to put the Martha Stewart touch to a bunch of lily of the valley. When the justice of the peace showed up, I came down the stairs in an off white cashmere turtleneck and velvet skirt and said “I know you thought we were going to announce our engagement tonight, and we still might, but right now we’re getting married”. Supposedly the look on my father’s face was amazing, and I’m sorry I missed it.

After the brief ceremony, we had champagne and cake, and went off to a celebratory dinner at the Beekman Tavern in Rhinebeck. My mother was thrilled, and as it turned out, grateful that she didn’t have to do anything but enjoy herself.

Three weeks later, we had the big party at our apartment in Manhattan, surrounded by friends and family. The highlight of the party was an amazing wedding cake made by two of my friends out of two hundred Tastykakes (Frank is from Philly). It's All About Aging Tastykakes

And for the past eleven years, we’ve lived happily ever after, always celebrating our anniversary on the Friday after Thanksgiving. Love you sporto!

Don’t forget to check out this week’s Blogging Boomers Carnival, and have a Happy Thanksgiving!

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Posted in Fathers, family, love, memories, parents, people | 4 Comments »

Internet Serial Killer, or How I Met My Husband. There is Hope After 40.

Monday, October 5th, 2009

Last week, a conversation with Sabina Ptacin, genius PR maven at Collective-e, and her own company Red Branch Public Relations, turned to the subject, as it so often does, of finding men in New York. She was telling me about someone she knew who was convinced that it was impossible to find love in New York once you’re “over the hill”. “I met my husband when I was in my 40′s” I said, “on the Internet”. After a dead silence on the other end of the phone, Sabina said it would be a great blog, so here goes.

About a dozen years ago, I was home recovering from some surgery, bored to death with daytime TV, and I decided to surf the net for personals. On a site, possibly webpersonals, was a picture of a man that really appealed to me. His

Does this look like an Internet serial killer to you?

Does this look like an Internet serial killer to you?

profile had the top ten things he was looking for in a woman (something he got a lot of grief about), and a bonus question…you had to like France and the French. Well, I won a scholarship to the Chamber Syndicale de la Haute Couture, and lived in Paris for a year after college, so that one was easy. The rest were along the lines of  you have to be smart, politically aware, like sex, and be tall. According to Frank, my husband, my best answer was to the tall question. “I’m 5’4″ but I have an extensive collection of 3″ heels, and I love tall men.

We e-mailed for about a month, and one day he sent me an e-mail that said “My friends say I’m working too hard, and turning into a dull guy. Do you have any advice?”. I screwed up all my courage, and typed back “why don’t you take a good looking blond out and buy her a drink?”. We met later that week, and hit it off completely. I would have invited him back to my place, but my brother was convinced he was an Internet serial killer (something he completely denies now), so that waited until the next date. We got married a year later, in a surprise wedding, and have lived happily ever after for 11 years now. Let me know if you’d like to know how to throw a surprise wedding, and I’ll put it in another blog.

Oh, and the weird part, although he says his picture was on the site for a long time, as one of their success stories, I could never find it again…ever.

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Posted in love, memories, people | 6 Comments »

10 Questions About Dealing With Aging Parents

Monday, September 21st, 2009
Ann Mehl with her mom

Ann Mehl with her mom

Ann Mehl a life coach and marathon runner has written eloquently for us before. Now she answers 10 questions about her experiences taking care of her mother.
1. How did it start?
My mother’s dementia showed itself gradually over time. Her memory loss and mental confusion escalated after my father passed five years ago.

2. Did you feel prepared for dealing with everything? Why or why not?
I did not feel prepared to handle all of the matters related to my mom’s paperwork and financial situation as she was equipped to address most issues personally prior to this. She was able to drive herself to doctor’s appointments, grocery shop, cook, clean her house, manage her bills and tend to her banking. Now she can’t do any of this. My mom became fearful to do most anything outside of the house due to her confusion, so this meant that she needed help with many personal and household tasks which I hadn’t anticipated managing on a regular basis as I do presently.

3. What did you find the most difficult/frustrating part?
My mom is physically in good shape but her mind plays tricks on her and it restricts her from living a full life. In addition, she sees what is happening to her and I find it incredibly frustrating that there isn’t much that we can do to help, beyond the attention that we give her as a family. She is able to observe her gradual decline and I find it difficult to see her struggle with the handicap when she is trying so hard to remain upbeat and positive. She used to knit and sew, as an example but now has a hard time figuring out her machine or remembering how to follow a pattern. I feel as though she doesn’t deserve this infliction as she is young at heart and has always been so unselfish with her time and love for others.

4.    What surprised you most?  If you knew then, what you know now, what would you have done differently?
I might have tried to recruit a support network of women who live locally who might visit my mom on a regular basis just for social stimulation and company if I had known how isolating dementia can be. Otherwise, I have no regrets in terms of how I am handling her and her situation as I am present on a daily basis and managing her needs.

5.    How active/passive has your parent been?
My mom is a passive, sensitive woman who is shy and frightened by many things so she does not try to actively go beyond her comfort zone. She does not leave the house by herself or explore the limits to her condition without encouragement or another individual present.

6.    How has the process improved your relationship with your parents or has it deteriorated?
I have expressed my love and care for my mom to her directly on a deep level regularly due to this change as I want for her to know that she is not alone as she tries to deal with this stage of her life. I was always close with my mom but I have dedicated even more time and attention to her in the midst of her crisis.

7.    What makes you the most stressed?
I don’t know what lies ahead and I’d love to be certain of what will happen next, even though I know that the answers will come in due time. I find it challenging to take it one day at a time as I worry about how I will manage caring for my mom full-time while handling my own life and business.

8.    What advice would you give someone?
1.    Reach out and ask for help when you need it. Let all of your emotions out, especially when you are feeling sad and angry about the state of affairs with your aging parents as it is more healthy to let it up, then to bottle it all in. Feel the feelings.
2.    Practice self-care in the midst of watching after your elders.
3.    Remember to breathe when you are feeling extremely stressed or out of control.
4.    Stay in the moment with whatever is happening. Avoid trying to get ahead of a situation or expecting a different reality than what is the truth.
5.    Meet your aging elders where they are, rather than where you wish they’d be.

9.    What was your ah-ha moment, the moment when it was all ok?
Seeing my mom enjoy a moment with me or smile after spending the day together helps to release the pressure valve. It gives me a chance to see that simply being there for her is enough, even if I can’t make everything better or different. It isn’t all o.k. but it is enough, that we are both trying our best, and I can be at peace with that.

10.    What have you learned from this?
I have learned that there is nothing that I can’t handle and I have more grace and patience than I realized. I have also learned that in the midst of the struggle, there is learning and that I have a lot to give in terms of understanding and information for others, due to this experience.

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Posted in Alzheimers, aging, conversation, family, love | 1 Comment »

Health insurance reform & the death panel, what are we really afraid of?

Monday, August 17th, 2009

It's All About Aging Death PanelThis was going to be a more upbeat blog this week, but I’m so angry about the way the health insurance reform proposal has been trashed, that it’s time for my two cents. First of all how many of you that have health insurance are happy with it? Not satisfied; happy. If you’re old enough to remember Woodstock, you’re old enough to remember when health insurance covered all doctors, and every procedure. Under managed care, none of my regular doctors are covered, so not only am I shelling out for insurance, then there are the doctors bills on top of that. So what exactly am I paying thousands of dollars a year for? We all know health insurance in this country is expensive, and unsustainable. Why can’t people stop shouting, and take a reasoned look at what’s being proposed?

The extent to which certain people have gone to to “misinterpret” the bill the House passed, is really disgusting. Is there anyone out there who hasn’t given thought to what they would want if confronted with a life ending disease/condition? Haven’t we all said at sometime to someone we care about, “Just put a gun to my head”? If only they could…And now, we are being given the option, under Medicare to have regular conversations with our doctors, about how we would like to exit this world. What could possibly be wrong with that? Dr. McCullough in his well reasoned book “My Mother, Your Mother” speaks to the importance of advance directives, and the need for their constant updating as situations change. The other critical need is that all family members are aware of what the advance directives contain and the documents must be readily available in case of an emergency.

The best way stop giving credence to the whack jobs and insurance lobby’s? Go online and download the advance directives for your state(s), fill them out, make copies, and let the people in your life who love you, know what’s in them and where they are.

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Posted in aging, directives, health insurance, love, people | 3 Comments »