February 8th, 2010
This week’s blog is about a great event, Hike 4 Hope (that unfortunately I cannot attend this year). My friend Leslie wrote this earlier this week, and I think it says it all. Please give what you can to our team.
“My business partner, Eileen Stern, is an amazing can do woman. Having lost 6 family members in a year (including her Mother) to cancer, she turned her tragedy into triumph by creating Hike 4 Hope, a fundraiser to fund women’s cancer research at City of Hope. Twelve years later her grass roots idea has blossomed into an annual event & this year will host over 1000 participants hiking in the majestic Indian Canyons of Palm Springs.
When it comes to fund-raising for City of Hope, I have no shame. My commitment to COH is a personal one. Given three months to live, I’m alive today because of COH’s collaboration, care & research/development of the drug Rituxan. COH research has also led to the development of other leading anti-cancer drugs; Herceptin, Avastin and Erbitux, as well as synthetic human insulin –all of which are saving millions of lives worldwide. Additionally COH has pioneered the use of TOMO Therapy (pin point radiation) & the DaVinci surgical system (prostate cancer).
We are aware of an injured economy. Unfortunately active cancer cells could care less. Far too many of us know someone whose life has been impacted by this disease. This year we’ve formed a team to hike in honor of our dear friend, Marcelle Freides, who is again battling breast cancer after a 5 year remission. The great news is she is being co-treated at both St. John’s Hospital in Santa Monica & City of Hope.
This Valentines Day marks 4 years since my initial cancer diagnoses and a day of sharing gifts from the heart. Please open your heart and support me by joining Marcelle’s Mighty Marchers through the link. Your gift of hope will help benefit all the mothers, daughters, friends, and loved ones who deal with the shock of a cancer diagnosis every minute.”
And please don’t forget to check out this week’s Blogging Boomers Carnival.
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Tags: cancer, City of Hope, family, friends, give, hike
Posted in Fathers, boomers, crisis, exercise, family, goals, love, memories | No Comments »
February 1st, 2010
An article in the December AARP newsletter caught my eye. It’s about an online service that allows you to bid on medical services (think eBay for Botox, and no, you can’t get it on eBay). PriceDoc “connects you to affordable, quality doctors and dentists for the best cash price”. Is this where our health care system is heading? How different is it from picking doctors on the Internet from the (ever shrinking) list that your insurance company provides? There are still a lot of doctors on the list that you have no idea about, and as someone once said, “half of them graduated at the bottom half of their class”. My friend Dr. Tara Kahn is the founder & CEO of DocMatcher, her ” goal is to help patients and doctors take control of health together.” Is a rating system the answer? Zagat for medical procedures? Do doctors get fewer points, if the patient dies?
Now if only they had to wear their sponsors logos...
If I wasn’t so nervous about things like Botox, I’d actually check this out, but when you’re dealing with your health… What do you think? Would you bid on a tummy tuck? How about a flu shot? Where would you draw the line? I guess the saddest thing is that this is even going on. Why in a country like the United States are we allowing ourselves to be ruled by the insurance companies, and the elected officials in their pockets? One of the many talking heads recently said that politicians should be forced to wear the logos of their sponsors on their suits, like racing drivers, so we can see easily which companies they’re in bed with. What do you think?
This week’s Blogging Boomers Carnival is sponsored by Andrea Stenberg. She’s always got great ideas for entreperneurs, so check it out here.
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Tags: Botox, doctors, health, Insurance, Internet
Posted in Insurance, boomers, health insurance, people | No Comments »
January 25th, 2010
I’ve adapted these great tips from Sheila Weinstein, who originally wrote them to get through the holidays. Don’t you think they’re great for any tough period? And remember, spring is just around the corner. 
- Let someone know you are alone and would like some company. Often we have no family nearby; friends are occupied and forget that we don’t have anyone to be with so it can be a very tough time. More often than not they are happy to include us in their plans, but they cannot read our minds, so we have to let them know.
- Find others who are alone and invite them to share your own table. There are many other people out there who share our feelings. Together we can have a lovely, enriching time.
- Nurture yourself. Sometimes we prefer to be alone rather than in the company of others…too much noise…too much talk. Treat yourself as beautifully as you would a guest. Buy yourself flowers. Cook yourself a lovely dinner. This is the time to concentrate on you and give yourself the love and attention you would give to someone else. You are the most important person in your life.
- Rent your favorite funny movie — one sure to make you laugh. A hearty laugh is as therapeutic as a good cry.
- Volunteer to serve a meal at a shelter or soup kitchen where your help is appreciated and you can reach out and touch others with your good will.
- Create a ritual that has meaning for yourself. For instance, write a note or a prayer to your loved one, or one for yourself and your new life. Put it in a balloon and let it fly.
- • Be grateful. Keep a positive attitude for all that you DO have. Write down what you are grateful for and keep it where you can see it.
- Get out in nature. Take a long walk or drive to a spot that gives you comfort and peace. It helps us realize there is something much bigger than our own pain.
- Give yourself permission to be happy. Allowing ourselves to enjoy the life we have paves the way for a fulfilling future.
Which will you do? What would you add?
Be sure to check out Sheila’s book Moving to the Center of the Bed,the Artful Creation of a Life Alone on her website: www.centerofthebed.com or on Amazon.com.
And don’t forget to check out this week’s Blogging Boomers Carnival, you never know what we’ll be blogging about.
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Tags: boomer, family, friends, holidays, tips
Posted in boomers, family | 2 Comments »
January 18th, 2010
Everyone always gives lip service to how much they love their family, but if you don’t have a will, it’s just empty talk.
In the survey we ran last fall, 45% of the people responding did not have a will. This is about on par with the national average. So what’s preventing you from doing this? If your idea of a legacy is leaving your family and friends fighting it out in probate court for years, then just go read another blog. If it’s one of those items forever haunting your to-do list, why don’t you decide to push it to the top of the list? Call your lawyer, make an appointment. If that’s to much for you, at least go to something like legalzoom, or Suze Orman’s site, where they have simple questionnaires to fill out and create a will. Here’s a pretty straightforward explanation from AARP: “Identify who will inherit your estate. Use your will to say who gets what. You can leave everything to your spouse, a painting to your granddaughter, divide everything equally between your two kids, or leave various percentages to friends and charities.”
So get to it! And for those of you who already have a will, when was the last time you updated it? Just a thought.
Don’t forget to check out this week’s Blogging Boomer’s Carnival, and please if you haven’t already, donate to the Red Cross or Doctors Without Borders to help Haiti.
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Tags: family, friends, lawyer, legacy, will
Posted in aging, conversation, family, legacy, will | 1 Comment »
January 11th, 2010
One of It’s All About Aging’s favorite guest bloggers, Ann Mehl, is starting an exciting new workshop in February. As an executive coach and entrepreneur dealing with a mother with dementia, Ann knows firsthand what she’s teaching. For this series she’s teaming up with Angelica Perez, Ph.D., a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a specialty in geropsychology
and dementia. For those of you scratching your heads (like I did) geropsychology is the field within psychology devoted to the study of aging and the provision of clinical services for older adults. See…we’re already smarter.
Ann, in her “ample leisure”*, is also a marathon runner. She finds that a lot of her experiences with running translate into her business, and personal life. This from her most recent blog resonated with me and ties in so well with her workshop:
Get Help: The first time I signed up for a marathon, I was so worried about not finishing that I didn’t tell a soul I was running. So while there were no rallying crowds of supporters screaming, “Go, Ann!”, I did hear the occasional, “Ann? Is that you?” from puzzled friends on the sidelines. Why did I do this? I think I was terrified of failing and looking foolish in front of the people who cared about me. This is a don’t-do-what-I-did message: You may be able to handle things on your own, but you don’t have to, and you’ll likely make the going a lot harder. Invite people to support you in meeting your goal. If you can’t find a training partner (say, a friend who will encourage you to keep working on that novel), join a club (such as a writers’ group). But build yourself a small network of like-minded individuals who will support you. Good partners will hold you accountable, lend an ear, and share a fresh perspective, just when you need it most.
The workshop will be given Mondays during the month of February. Click here to order your tickets. And don’t forget to check out the first Blogging Boomers Carnival for 2010, lots of good posts to get your year off to a great start!
* as used by my former partner when you have none…
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Tags: aging, blog, caregiving, dementia, entrepreneur, support
Posted in aging, caregiving, dementia, family | 1 Comment »
January 4th, 2010
One of my recent, favorite, end of year traditions is the giant shredder they have in Times Square in the last days of the year. According to the NY Post: “New Yorkers brought their most loathsome memories of 2009 to Times Square yesterday and tossed them into a giant shredder.” There’s something about the idea of shredding all the bad stuff and starting fresh, that appeals to me, much more than making resolutions. So, with that in mind, here’s what I purged mentally and physically, big and small, from last year and the last decade (not one of my favorites).
- Shredded: the chance of loosing my computer data by backing up to a portable hard drive, and an online service (thanks, Ellen).
- My passwords: time for new ones, and a list of them somewhere, in case of emergency.
- Stuff: dropped off a few things to Housing Works that were taking up space mentally & physically. I’ve learned to keep a shopping bag with a running list in my closet, if you just take a few things at a time, it’s much easier.
- My roots: was way overdue to see Peter at Christopher Stanley.
- My other roots: when the final taxes are done, Project Solvers, my former company, and my storage space where all the old records lurk.
- Doubts: whatever has been holding me back from going full speed ahead with It’s All About Aging. Bootstrapping is a wonderful thing, right? A new improved website is on the horizon.
- Personal roadblocks: Gone! Relegated to the last decade…ciao!
- 10 pounds: That means dumping 100 calories a day or upping the aerobic exercise. Easy!
So, what do you want shredded from the past?
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Tags: 2010, aging, goals, history, past, purging, shredding, website
Posted in aging, cleaning, goals | 4 Comments »
December 28th, 2009
In the spirit of year end reviews, best of lists, and taking a break before conquering 2010, here are the top three most commented blogs from 2009. Which was your favorite?
From June 1st: What would you do for a raspberry blueberry pie? Secret family recipes.
Does your family have secret family recipes? Mine does. My mother’s secret recipe is for a raspberry blueberry pie. It’s powers are so strong that years ago an old friend of mine agreed to drive my parents’ cat from their house in Maine, back to Boston, in return for a pie of his own. Click here to read the rest of the blog.
From Ann Mehl on March 30th: Living and dealing with Alzheimer’s: Ann’s story and life lessons learned 
My mom suffers from dementia. She’s all mixed up and she knows it. Since my father passed away over four years ago, I’ve watched my mother slip deeper and deeper into a shadowy fog of memory loss. The most difficult part is watching her observe the changes in herself. “I just don’t know what’s happening to me. I used to be so on top of things,” she will often lament. Click here for more.
And the most commented on, from June 8th: What’s the number one thing you’d miss from your handbag? Or can I survive a week without Blackberry, Amex?
This was going to be a totally different topic today, but I thought I’d stray to what’s really on my mind. Because I can, you know.
Last night I filled up the car to come back to the city with giant containers of stuff from Costco, a big bunch of peonies from my garden (probably the last for the season), and the usual stuff that commutes from the city to the country. What was left behind, was my purse, and all its contents. Click here for more, and all the comments.
Have a happy & healthy new year! What are the topics you’d like to see covered in 2010?
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Tags: Alzheimers, family, mom, parents, stories
Posted in Alzheimers, boomers, conversation, family, memories, parents | No Comments »
December 21st, 2009
Lost at holiday bingo again...
When my friends and I used to go to Rancho La Puerta, the highlight of the week for everyone was bingo night, probably because there was unlimited popcorn for the participants. I still have the set of 5 papier mache napkin rings I won one night (and have always wondered if 5 is a significant number in Mexico). You may have also heard about meeting bingo where you track all the tired business cliches…”at the end of the day, teambuilding, thinking outside the box, metrics, etc”. And thanks to About.com, course someone’s already figured out how to use this to teach you how to be a better manager…
The Cleveland Plains Dealer has a way to bring entertainment to Christmas dinner, or any family gathering. You mark down on a card every time you hear someone saying something really dumb, annoying, or just typical. On their site you can download game boards, but why not create your own? And the prize can be whatever you were going to re-gift. For my family I’m created my own Holiday Bingo, knowing that some of the following will get you closer to “Bingo!”. If you’d like a copy of the cards, please comment on the blog & I’ll send them to you.
I’ve been overserved
This is delicious
Flatter the cook, ask for seconds
Who needs more champers?
It’s two buck Chuck
How long does the roast cook?
Very thin white bread
Save the wrappings
What about your family? What are the top holiday clichés from around your table?
Happy Holidays to all, and please check out the last Blogging Boomers Carnival of 2009.
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Tags: bingo, business, dinner, family, holiday
Posted in conversation, family | 1 Comment »
December 14th, 2009
Years ago, when my grandfather was still alive, well meaning friends and family would get terribly upset if they saw him drinking and smoking. “How could you let him do that?” Granted, he was missing a lung from cancer, and had been an alcoholic for all the time I was growing up, but the guy was 92 and still going strong. Was not smoking or drinking going to give him an extra week with us? Or would the deprivation hasten his demise?
Fast forward to a new century. Red wine, specifically Pinot Noir (the grape used in Burgundy) in moderation, is heart healthy. The alcohol and certain substances in red wine called antioxidants may help prevent heart disease by increasing levels of “good” cholesterol and protecting against artery damage. According to the Mayo Clinic, researchers think antioxidants, such as flavonoids or a substance called resveratrol, have promising heart-healthy benefits. Resveratrol may also turn out to be the “fountain of youth”. From a 60 Minutes piece earlier this year: “You have fat mice, and you have fat mice with resveratrol. And the ones that are on resveratrol, they can run twice as far, and they live longer, about 20 percent longer”.
If living longer and healthier isn’t enough, how about preventing tooth decay and gum disease? From the most recent issue of The Week: “Researchers in Italy have found that in addition to other health benefits, red wine can help prevent tooth decay.” And from Discovery News: “Scientists from Laval University in Quebec found that polyphenols in red wine also help to control immune cell response in gums to bacterial infection.”
So just in time for the holidays, forget the champagne, and break out the Pinots! Our friend Steve Girard at Benton Lane, makes some fine Oregon Pinots, that along with tasting fantastic, are know to have some of the highest levels of resveratrol of any wines. But however you enjoy, enjoy in moderation.
And something you don’t need to enjoy in moderation…this week’s Blogging Boomers Carnival.
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Tags: friends, grandfather, heart, parents, pinot noir, red, wine
Posted in family, health | 1 Comment »
December 7th, 2009
A recent query on HARO was asking for sources who were considering donating their bodies to science. My husband 
and I have always been organ donors, and we both want to give all or most of our body parts to science. Reuse, recycle, nothing new, right? But have you ever thought about how you go about actually arranging it? Like many other things, it’s not quite as easy as just having the idea.
While organ donation, at least in New York, is just a matter of signing the back of your drivers license, whole body donations are not quite so simple. First of all, you need to decide whether you want to be an organ donor or, donate your full body. I always thought you could harvest the organs, and then donate the body, but that’s not the case. First of all, organs need to be harvested while you’re still technically alive (but brain dead). Whole body donations are done once you’re dead, but need to be done before the body is embalmed. And there is also living donation, such as donating a kidney, or bone marrow while you’re still alive. The Mayo Clinic will decide which is the best use of your body, however most other sites will only take the body if the organs are intact.
According to Organdonor.gov: “You can inform your family that organ donation is your first choice, but if it is found that you are not medically suitable for organ donation, your family can carry out your wishes for whole body donation.” No matter what you decide to do, you must make your wishes known while you’re still alive. The Mayo Clinic and other sites have donor forms for both organ and whole body donations, but you also need to discuss your wishes with loved ones.
Remember that each organ and tissue donor saves or improves the lives of as many as 50 people. Isn’t that the best legacy you could leave?
And don’t forget to check out this week’s Blogging Boomer’s Carnival!
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Tags: body, death, donation, family, legacy, organ, science
Posted in conversation, family, legacy | 4 Comments »
March 9th, 2009
Now I’m not sure if the Do Not Call List covers bill collectors, but if it does, this may be the best reason to make sure you, your family, and loved ones are signed up for it. According to an article in the NY Times last week the most effective debt collections are coming from the newly deceased. Forget about the living, they’re unemployed, angry and broke. They go for an easier target; grieving families who will probably say anything to get the bill collectors off the phone. In most states if there are insufficient funds in the estate, family members are not required to use personal assets to pay the deceased’s individual debts. That doesn’t slow companies like DCM Services who claim to be the only national collection agency exclusively focused on deceased collections.
Are you indignant yet? DCM Services proudly sponsors a website called My Way Forward, “Your guide to loss and recovery”, and they are welcoming NY Times readers to join for free. There’s not a link to the site, it’s my small way of not contributing to their page view rankings.
So here’s my question: if there was no money in the estate, would you pay off the debts of a deceased loved one? Would it depend on what the debts were for?
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Tags: assets, death, estate, family, grieving
Posted in aging, goals, grief, legal, seniors, stories | 1 Comment »
March 23rd, 2009
If you got angry reading the earlier post about debt collectors going after easier prey: families of the recently deceased, stop reading now!
According to the most recent AARP Bulletin, now con artists are the ones calling after a family member has passed away. They are demanding payments of up to $700 for the imaginary debts. AARP gives some good pointers on protecting yourself against this scam.
The other issue touched on is the one of identity theft. In their hurry to get the bill collectors off the phone, and settle the outstanding debt, family members may inadvertently give away important personal information.
Do you think the recession brings out this kind of behavior?
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Tags: death, estate, family, parents
Posted in grief, legal, parents | No Comments »
April 19th, 2009
How do you want to be taken care of?
If you think it’s selfish to take care of yourself first, remember there’s a reason the airlines always tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, and then help others. Or weren’t you paying attention?
Unless you’re in an emergency situation, before you start working on getting your parents, or aging family members lives in order, what about your own?
Do you have the following?
- Will
- Health Care Proxies
- Living Wills
- Durable Power of Attorney
- Funeral Directives
- Cyber: User names and passwords
- Safe Deposit Box
Who knows where these papers and/or the safe deposit box are? Are there copies with lawyers, etc? Do you have a lawyer? Where is their contact information?
Other documents you might want to keep in a central and safe location in case of a different kind of emergency (think Hurricane Katrina) are:
- Insurance Policies (include photos of all valuables with your homeowner’s policy)
- Copies of utility bills (to establish residency)
- Medical Records
- Family Health Profile
- List of Professionals with contact information
- Doctors, Lawyers, Accountants, Insurance Brokers, Financial Advisers, etc.
- Personal: Copies of Drivers Licenses, Passports etc.
- Excel sheet listing your possessions and their distribution
What have we forgotten? Please add anything you think might be missing.
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Tags: baby boomer, death, estate, family, parents, power of attorney
Posted in aging, boomers, legal, parents | No Comments »
April 6th, 2009
According to the Center for Disease Control, the numbers surrounding dementia are staggering. Worldwide, there are now an estimated 24 million people living with some form of dementia. Sooner or later, we all will deal with parents and loved ones whose health and memories are failing them. As my siblings and I learn to care for my mom who has dementia, here are some of the lessons I have found to be important.
Get the paperwork in order. Now!
My mom used to keep meticulous records. But as her forgetfulness grows, her efficiency diminishes. In order to establish personal management over finances, our family consulted an adviser and reviewed my mom’s budget, assets, insurance policy and pension benefits. This often takes time on the ground with the bank, over the phone with agents or in meetings with accountants, lawyers, etc. It requires patience, but you will be pleased with yourself later should your parent get to a stage where you need to be in more control of matters.
Here some things to keep in mind:
Consider establishing Power of Attorney as well as Medical Power of Attorney.
If you need to register a joint checking account in order to pay bills, begin the process now.
Consolidate any outstanding debt or credit card balances into one payment plan.
Carve out a living will and trust if they are not already in place.
Keep an active list of all the medications and physician records in the case of an emergency.
Ann Mehl, Certified Life and Career Coach, http://www.annmehl.com
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Tags: Alzheimers, dementia, estate, family, legacy, Medications, mom, parents, power of attorney, will
Posted in Alzheimers, aging, legacy, legal, parents | 3 Comments »
March 30th, 2009
Living in the Present with Grace and Dementia
My mom suffers from dementia. She’s all mixed up and she knows it. Since my father passed away over four years ago, I’ve watched my mother slip deeper and deeper into a shadowy fog of memory loss. The most difficult part is watching her observe the changes in herself. “I just don’t know what’s happening to me. I used to be so on top of things,” she will often lament.
Growing up, my mother took great pride in her family’s appearance, including her own. Now I need to remind her on a daily basis to bathe or change her clothes. Although deep down you may want the younger version of your mom or dad back, try to accept your loved one and their current limitations. Concentrate on the now.
Every day, I draw gratitude from the simple things. My mom is welcoming and warm. She smiles. She is happy to spend time with her grandchildren. She still recognizes my voice on the phone. I no longer probe for answers, as it simply flusters her when she cannot recall the details. Instead, I am content that she trusts me to handle her personal matters. Mourning the loss of what she used to do – cooking a meal, knitting a sweater, volunteering, calling me on my birthday – only takes away from the small blessings that we still enjoy together.
My mom tires early in the day now and talks incessantly about when we’ll next eat. She repeats herself over and over again, almost to comfort herself with the one or two tales she has not forgotten. She is fixated on making cups of tea and washing her sheets. In this flurry of manic activity, I look at her and see the woman who cleaned and cooked for five growing children; the mom who drove me from mall to mall in the hunt for the perfect prom dress. After 74 years, I might be confused and absent of information too. I try to imagine how she feels at this stage of her life, during the moments when I begin to grow impatient.
Ann Mehl, Certified Life and Career Coach, http://www.annmehl.com
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Tags: Alzheimers, family, father, life, mom, parents
Posted in Alzheimers, aging, conversation, parents, stories | 9 Comments »
April 13th, 2009
According to Martin Petroff, the principal of elder law firm Martin Petroff & Associates, most people don’t realize that many caregiving related expenses paid for and by the taxpayer, taxpayer’s spouse, and dependents, can be tax deductible. In a recent article he wrote for the Alzheimer’s Association, and quoted here, Martin lists some of the possibly overlooked deductions. Be sure to check with your accountant to see if they are applicable in your situation.
Some tax deductible expenses that might be incurred by someone with Alzheimer’s Disease, Parkinson’s Disease, ALS, stroke, congestive heart failure, etc. are:
- Home care, attendant care, home-based respite care.
- Nursing homes, assisted-living facilities, group homes, and adult day-care
- Home improvements: Reasonable costs to make home improvements are considered medical expenses if the expense is directly related to medical care
- Psychiatric care
- Health insurance premiums including qualified long term care insurance
- Nursing services not preformed by a nurse such as giving medications, as well as bathing and grooming the patient
- Personal care services including protection from threats to health and safety due to severe cognitive impairment
- Durable medical equipment, supplies, diapers
This is just a partial list, and you should always check with your accountant. Are there other overlooked expenses we should know about?
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Tags: accountant, Add new tag, ALS, Alzheimers, assisted-living, deductions, home, Medications, Parkinson's, stroke, taxes
Posted in Alzheimers, aging, legal, seniors, taxes | 2 Comments »
April 27th, 2009
If you’re a golfer, you know all the frustrations inherent with the game. That awful tee shot, the rimmed putt, and then, the shot that brings you back every time (mine was on 13 yesterday), but would you ever think it was therapeutic? And for Alzheimer’s patients? Hardly likely!
Well, a group in California found that Alzheimer’s patients who had previously played the game, retained the muscle memory, and were able to find pleasure, once again, chasing after a dimpled white ball. The article in the Wall Street Journal focused on the pleasure derived from doing “an activity that once brought about true pleasure” and found “the agitation can dissipate, their minds can clear, and memories related to that activity can return.”
So the next time you find yourself cursing over that chunked shot, know that it truly is history, and when your memory fades, it will always be the good shots that bring you back.
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Tags: aging, Alzheimers, golf, memories, patients, seniors
Posted in Alzheimers, aging, memories | 2 Comments »
May 4th, 2009
A major concern for many families these days is Diabetes, a genetically passed and potentially life threatening disease impacting 16,000,000 Americans. 25% of these people will experience foot problems associated with the disease.
One of the common conditions associated with Diabetes is Diabetic Neuropathy. Due to poor nerve conduction, Neuropathy causes pain or loss of feeling in the toes, feet, legs, hands, and arms and nearly half of diabetics suffer from some form of neuropathy.
If you’ve been diagnosed with Neuropathy or even if you have poor circulation, the truth is your feet are at serious risk. Shoes provide a warm, moist environment in which bacteria can grow rapidly and if you lack sensitivity in your feet you may not even be aware of a cut, abrasion or blister. And left untreated, that minor injury could quickly progress to an ulceration that could possibly lead to amputation! (Because diabetes affects blood flow, even injuries that have been detected can be slow to heal.)
Diabetic Neuropathy can be prevented if the proper precautions are taken. Feet should be screened regularly, particularly in the elderly in order to alert them and their care givers to any developing problems. Prevention is the best cure, and in accordance Medicare determined that therapeutic footwear and protective insoles were effective in the prevention of foot problems among Diabetic patients.
Therapeutic footwear and protective insoles provide protection that helps reduce callusing which can lead to ulcerations or in worst case scenarios, amputation. The Therapeutic Shoe Bill benefits allow patients one pair of Extra Depth shoes and three pairs of Protective Inserts for every calendar year. This extra level of protection will help keep diabetic patients out of the hospital and off the operating table.
I recommend finding a reputable footwear store such as Foot Solutions, readily available nationwide where feet are analyzed and measured by professionals who can make recommendations for the patient’s individual condition. They can suggest shoes and insoles covered by the Medicare benefits and provide the forms that will be needed for the doctors in order to apply for the benefit.
To qualify, the patient must be diagnosed with diabetes mellitus (ICD-9-CM diagnosis codes 250.00-250.93), and must suffer form one or more of the following conditions: previous amputation of the other foot, or part of either foot, a history of previous foot ulceration of either foot, a history of pre-ulcerative calluses of either foot, peripheral neuropathy with evidence of callus formation of either foot, foot deformity of either foot, or poor circulation in either foot.
The benefit covers up to 80% of the cost, and secondary insurance, often will cover the remainder. If qualified, the shoes and inserts can often be obtained without costing the patient a dime.
-Dr. Bill Faddock is the Director of Pedorthic Education at the Foot Solutions World Headquarters in Marietta, GA.
For any questions about the benefit, feel free to contact Katie Ingraham at kingraham@footsolutions.com, or visit www.FootSolutions.com
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Tags: Diabetes, family, Information, life, shoes
Posted in Diabetes, aging, family | 1 Comment »
May 11th, 2009
A few weeks ago there was a deadly accident in New Jersey and five people in their 70’s were killed by a tractor trailer. Originally I was wondering what might have happened if the driver of the car had been younger, and (possibly) had better reflexes. Would they have been able to avoid the truck?
Then, I started thinking about the truck driver. How old was he? Are there age limits for truck drivers?
There are but you’re not going to like this…you have to be at least 21 years old, and pass a medical exam. No upper age limit. Don’t you think this is pretty scary?
The mother of a friend who is “a very brilliant active cool 83 year old” was pulled over a few months ago,
coming home from a friend’s funeral, for swerving and had her license pulled. She had never had an accident, and actually had good driver discounts on her insurance. Mom had to take a driving test which her daughter was afraid she wouldn’t pass, mostly because so much depended on it, and her mother was very nervous. The good news was that Mom did pass the driving test, but is not allowed to drive on any interstates, and must be re-tested every six months.
Mom will be tested 4 times in two years. A commercial truck driver only has to have a medical test once every two years. Mom can’t drive on the interstate, where do you think all the truck drivers are?
Feel safer now?
AARP has a lot of information on safe driving: http://www.aarp.org/family/articles/resources_on_safe.html
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Tags: death, driving, Insurance, mom, test
Posted in aging, driving, family | 1 Comment »
May 18th, 2009
Sometimes you stumble upon an offering which truly makes your life easier. I want to share one with you, especially as the story has a positive outcome.
My mom’s dementia causes her to feel afraid to venture far from home. I’ve spoken about her in a previous post: http://www.itsallaboutaging.com/blog/?p=230
In an effort to keep her mind stimulated and her body active, I had been researching services online which provide options for caregiving on a basic level to seniors. My interest was to find a local woman whom I could meet and interview, who would understand my mom’s situation and act as a companion to my mother in my absence.
http://www.craigslist.org/ did not feel trustworthy as a source and a call into the local chapter of http://www.alz.org/ wasn’t returned. Thankfully my sister located a site that provided us with the ease and comfort we were looking for in locating assistance: http://www.care.com.
Care.com provides a place for families and providers to easily connect, share caregiving stories, and get advice. The service enabled us to find and select an individual who had experience and references. My ultimate hope was that my mother would look forward to seeing this woman on a daily basis and a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship will flourish.
We quickly scheduled a date with a woman, “Lisa”, who looked friendly in her online profile, to meet with me, my sister and my mom.
Prior to the visit, Lisa asked us a few questions which I found to be worthwhile, such as:
- Please let me know qualities about your mom which might be helpful to me in getting to know her.
- What nutritional needs does she have?
- What type of music does she enjoy?
- Are there any subjects which I should steer clear of?
- Does she have a list of medications for which I need to be mindful?
- What is your mom’s favorite movie?
- Does she have any trouble sleeping?
- Are there books she tends to read?
- What makes her laugh?
Lisa believed that most of the answers would flow from our interview together but she took the time to be thoughtful about gathering information beforehand. She gave me the feeling that she was interested to get to know the “woman”, (my mother), well beyond the “job”.
After a thorough in-person screening, we felt connected with her as she developed rapport with my mom and showed an understanding of the situation. Lisa also addressed my mom directly during the meeting.
I decided to hire her because her approach reminded me of the motto I had embraced while volunteering for http://www.littlebrothers.org which stated, “Flowers Before Bread”. Little Brothers – Friends of the Elderly as an organization strongly believes that aging adults deserve the special pleasures in life along with the basic necessities. I agree that love and dignity and beauty in life are as basic as physical needs. I wanted for my mom’s caregiver to feel that way too.
We set up the arrangement as a trial basis for 1 month so that both parties could see if it was working. Since we started, it has been a learn-as-you-go experience. Thankfully, my mom has expressed gratitude for the shared lunches that they’ve had, along with the walks in the park. Just as you’d court a partner for life, so are we getting to know our new caregiver. One day at a time.
Ann Mehl, Certified Life and Career Coach, http://www.annmehl.com
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Tags: Alzheimers, dementia, mom, seniors
Posted in Alzheimers, aging, boomers, family, goals, legacy, parents, seniors, stories | 1 Comment »
June 1st, 2009
Does your family have secret family recipes? Mine does. My mother’s secret recipe is for a raspberry blueberry pie. It’s powers are so strong that years ago an old friend of mine agreed to drive my parents’ cat from their house in Maine, back to Boston, in return for a pie of his own. Now I know you’re thinking that it sounds like a pretty sweet deal, pun intended, but the cat in question was not a good passenger. Not only would he howl for the entire four hour trip, he would manage to do so in between throwing up on whoever or whatever was in the back seat.
My grandmother, on my father’s side, was famous for the caramels she would make every year for Christmas. We couldn’t wait for the package to come from Michigan. There was always a small box with perfectly wrapped caramels full of buttery goodness. My parents would dole out the caramels day by day if we were good, until Christmas when the box usually was finished before dinner. I hope my brother got the recipe from Grandma before she died.
The next time you get together with your family, remember the great recipes that are part of almost all our heritages. What’s your family’s heirloom recipe?
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Tags: family, heirloom, parents, pie, recipes, secret
Posted in family, memories | 8 Comments »
May 25th, 2009
If you’re a certain age, you can be pretty sure that your father was in the service at some point in his life. Mine was in the Army in Japan after WWII. He always wanted to be a paratrooper but was denied in training camp because he didn’t have 20/20 vision. Somehow when they shipped him off to Japan, they let him start jumping out of planes.
One New Year’s Eve in the south of France, I asked him what he remembered about being in Japan. My favorite story is about them going to the movies at a distant base. The base they were at was small and had limited facilities, so there really wasn’t much to do in the evenings. The better base was a four hour drive over terrible roads, so when there was a good movie going on, they would fuel up a plane, fly over to the base, and parachute down in time for the movie.
Now, he swears this is true, but he’s never said how they ever got back to their home base. Isn’t that part of a good story? You can just sit back and accept it, for the tale it is.
On this Memorial Day, why don’t you ask for a story? By telling them and passing them on, we honor our families, and all the people who have and continue to serve this country. If you’d like to share yours, click here for the special section on the website, and thank you for sharing them with us.
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Tags: family, father, parents, stories
Posted in aging, conversation, family, stories | No Comments »
June 8th, 2009
This was going to be a totally different topic today, but I thought I’d stray to what’s really on my mind. Because I can, you know.
Last night I filled up the car to come back to the city with giant containers of stuff from Costco, a big bunch of peonies from my garden (probably the last for the season), and the usual stuff that commutes from the city to the country. What was left behind, was my purse, and all its contents. Which, in my total obliviousness, I didn’t notice until I got thirsty, and reached across to pull out my thermos. Hmmm, nothing there. OK, maybe I tossed it in the back with everything else. No way to tell that without pulling over, and I’m really not going to go all the way back for it. Pulled into my garage, and voila, nothing handbag-like in the back. I’m screwed…
So, my challenge for the week is to see what it’s like to pay cash or write checks for everything. To have no Blackberry, cell phone, or Ipod. No credit, or debit cards, no drivers license, MetroCard, train ticket, skating passes. No makeup bag, notebook, or reusable grocery bags.
While I’ll feel badly about picking paper or plastic, and adding to the landfill with plastic water bottles, I’m trying to figure out what I’ll really miss. My bet is between the Blackberry, and my debit card (sorry Amex, but I can go more places with it). What do you think? What would be the hardest thing for you to give up for 5 days?
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Tags: Blackberry, handbag, miss, Peonies
Posted in boomers, driving, stories | 10 Comments »
June 22nd, 2009
Over dinner a few weeks ago, my father had an interesting idea. “I’m going to buy your mother an iPod.” My mother looked as though he had totally fallen off the deep end, and said “absolutely not! I won’t hear of it.” This was essentially the same reaction she had to the idea of a DSL or cable modem, which after a two year fight, had changed her life for the better.
His reasoning was sound (pun intended), they had two houses with piles of CD’s in each, and separate stereo set-ups. What if they just downloaded all the music onto the iPod, got rid of all the CD’s, and just carried the iPod from house to house? They could dock it, and use it in the car when they travel. Seems like a plan, right? Wrong. Totally fell on deaf ears. Then we chimed in telling my mother she could download all her favorite June Christy records. Nope.
The thing is, once my mother had the Ipod with all the music on it, she’d be in heaven. She could use it when she walks in the morning, or when she’s weeding her garden. For years she has always slept with a tiny radio and earphone, now she could download radio shows or have her favorite operas lull her to sleep. And if she found out she could watch all the episodes of Fawlty Towers…
So, we’re thinking of smuggling out all the CD’s, loading them up on an iPod, giving it to him for his birthday and let him break it to my mom. Would this be the end of a 56 year marriage? Or like the DSL, the beginning of a whole new adventure? How do your parents feel about technology? And what would you put on their playlist?
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Tags: family, father, iPod, mom, parents, Technology
Posted in Fathers, Technology, aging, family, parents | 6 Comments »
June 15th, 2009
What do Dads really want for Father’s Day? How about great socks and shoes?
Socks and shoes? You’re thinking that’s as bad as a tie, aren’t you? What if I told you it would help him score on the golf course? Think about it, Dad is spending the better part of 4 hours on his feet, and if he walks the course, it’s no surprise when he comes home and complains of sore, tired feet. Keeping his feet healthy and happy may improve his performance, help him outlast the others and keep him energized. Correct footwear and arch support can help to improve his game and confidence by providing the right foundation for improved balance and core stability. When your foot isn’t properly supported, there’s a breakdown in the kinetic chain of force, which causes poor contact with the golf ball. In athletics, there is a greater importance on balance, support, performance and endurance of your feet. You can improve your game by combining the right shoe insert, socks and properly fitted shoes for every sport from golf to skiing to running.
Not to mentions, what’s one of the most common golf injuries? Back Pain. A golf swing can put great stress on your back; causing major discomfort during the game (isn’t that what we like to blame our score on?). In fact, studies show that 80% of adults in America will experience low back pain at some point in their lives. Is back pain related to my feet? In many cases, yes. Your feet are the foundation for every step you take. They play a key role in absorbing the shock that you place on your body every day. Is your back pain worse in different shoes? If so, this may be an indication that your feet are contributing to your back pain.
So now when you give dad a day of hassle-free (by that, we mean nag-free) golf, he can enjoy it without sore feet, or a backache, and who knows, he may take his foursome for the big bucks this weekend.
My thanks to Katie Ingram of Foot Solutions for help with this. Check out their site for all the game-improving socks, shoes and insoles.
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Tags: Add new tag, father, feet, golf, health, shoes
Posted in Fathers, aging, golf | 3 Comments »
June 29th, 2009
Michelle, one of the amazing Sassy Ladies, was tweeting the other day about the amazing amount of toxic, flammable stuff she found in her father’s garage while “seeking paint stirrer. Found cans of bee spray, gopher poison, acetone, grill propane. maybe 7/4 bonfire s/b elsewhere?”
Which got me to thinking, if we’re hanging around with the family, maybe a clean-up of the garage would be a good weekend group project. How long has it been since you’ve seen the back of the garage? Have you ever seen the back of the garage? When was the last major clean up? Our garage is pretty clean, but still I know we’ve got ancient cans of paint that probably haven’t survived unheated winters, weed killer, car cleaner, lamp oil. You get the picture, lots of toxic stuff that could launch your own pyro…
Sonya Weisshappel of Seriatim says everyone has a stash, whether it’s the garage, laundry room, attic, the trunk of your car, or all of the above. Time to ‘fess up, where’s yours? In memory of Billy Mays, grab that ShamWow, the Kaboom! and declare independence from a garage full of useless flammable stuff.
For information on proper disposal of old paint, Planet Green has some good ideas.
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Tags: Bill Mays, family, garage, holidays, July 4th
Posted in cleaning, family | 6 Comments »
July 6th, 2009
Maybe you can sleep thorough the night each and every night (if so, I envy you), but most of us have issues either falling asleep, or staying asleep. Valerie Bennis, Founder & President of Essence of Vali has some good tips for all of us.
A good night’s rest is the foundation of health and well being. More and more evidence points to lack of sleep as a contributor to declining physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Along with good eating habits, happy and healthy relationships, work we enjoy and exercise goes a good night’s rest as an imperative ingredient in our health regime.
Some people fall asleep easily and then wake up at 3 in the morning while others take many hours to fall asleep. These are the two common patterns. Anything less than 7 hours of sleep is considered not enough. Even those of us who are good sleepers may not be getting enough rest.
Most of these difficulties are due to stress and also due to some of the foods we eat. So, what can we do to cut down on stress levels and what are foods we should avoid to safeguard our sleep health? Here are some tips:
Substances to Avoid
Coffee, Soda and Alcohol: These are substances that affect our energy in some way – be it stimulating or sedative. Try drinking water and herbal teas which contribute to your well being and create balance in your body, mind and spirit, rather than a roller coaster effect.
Sugar: The impact of sugar is a spike in energy and then “fall down” and a vicious cycle of “up” and “down”. There are many healthy treats that you can find in the health food store that can satisfy your sweet tooth without causing damage.
Nicotine: This one goes without saying.
Stress: This is under “substance” because it has become a metaphorical substance in all of our lives. It is a common refrain – “I am so stressed out” that we all speak and hear and that in and of itself is stressful.
How do we eliminate the toxin of stress? We can empower ourselves to significantly decrease its impact on our lives by doing things that ease stress levels. See below for some stress busters.
1. Restorative yoga (gentle yoga)
2. Exercise
3. Dancing
4. Listening to music
5. Talking to someone really positive
6. Writing in a journal
7. Taking a bath
8. Positive affirmations
9. Drinking herbal tea, such as chamomile
10. Rescue Remedy or other bach flower essences
11. Aromatherapy
12. Getting a massage or self massage
13. Helping a friend or stranger
14. Acupuncture
Once your body is in a healthier state, your sleep patterns will improve naturally.
Other ideas for improving sleep.
1. Keep a regular schedule in terms of when you go to sleep and when you wake up.
2. Do not eat a heavy meal before bedtime.
3. Keep sound and light out of your bedroom as much as possible.
4. Take a relaxing bath prior to getting into bed.
5. Use natural products instead of prescription medication or over the counter products.
6. Do some breathing exercises and listen to relaxation tapes
7. Do not listen to the news before bed
These are some good ideas from Valerie. What she left out, is her amazing aromatherapy sleep blend, her best seller for nine years. Have you tried it? What works for you?
Valerie Bennis
Founder & President, Essence of Vali
www.essenceofvali.com
Tel: 212-242-0576
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Tags: sleep, stress, tips
Posted in boomers, sleep, tips | 1 Comment »
July 13th, 2009
A friend of mine recently asked for some advice on talking to her grandmother about sex. Why, you wonder, would someone need to have that conversation with her grandmother? With the advent of drugs like Viagra, sex in nursing homes and assisted living facilities, is on the rise, most of it unprotected. Because of the rise in unprotected sex, there is a rise in STD’s among the elderly.
Older people have plenty of intercourse when they’re not in an institutional setting. A survey published August 2007, in the New England Journal of Medicine found that a quarter of those between the ages of 75 and 85 were having sex, and many were doing it at least once every couple of weeks. A third of these sexually active respondents said they had either given or received oral sex in the past year.
There’s no reason to think that nursing-home residents would be any less frisky, if left to their own devices. After all, we’re talking about a mixed-sex population living in close quarters with almost endless amounts of free time. Already, staffers routinely field patient requests for personal lubricants, pornographic magazines, larger-size beds, and prescriptions for Viagra. And that’s with the 1.6 million elderly residents who came of age before the sexual revolution. Within a few decades, nursing homes will be replete with the desires and expectations of almost 7 million liberated baby boomers.
And according to an August 2007 in the Washington Post: “Individuals who remain sexually active gain the benefit of the physical exercise that comes with sex. It’s also possible the hormones — the endorphins released by orgasms — give a general sense of well-being that could be beneficial. The psychological benefits of being loved and cared for may also trickle over to physical health.”
But how do you quietly slip Grandma a pack of condoms? Does anyone make them in large type, easy open? If you’ve got any good ideas, my friend would be really grateful.
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Tags: aging, Grandma, seniors, sex
Posted in aging, conversation, seniors | No Comments »
July 20th, 2009
Seniors using their canes as weapons, a concept to make you smile, right? An article recently in the Wall Street Journal was all about “Cane Fu” and it turns out to be a great form of exercise as well as self defense. Senors are flocking to classes at senior centers and retirement communities, and Mark Shuey has developed Cane Masters to train them. While there’s always the danger that anything you use as a weapon can be taken and used against you, the element of surprise, is probably in a seniors favor.
Not surprisingly, if you do a search for Cane Fu, there’s a ton of information on the Internet, ranging from the very serious and scary, to the highly amusing. As much as I generally dislike, the Colbert Report, this recent video on Cane Fu, is pretty hilarious.
According to the Huffington Post, “it isn’t an entirely new use for the cane. In ancient Rome and Egypt, canes were used as weapons. In the 13th century, swinging a cane before a member of royalty would assure your beheading. In the 17th century, canes required a permit.
“Things changed 200 or 300 years ago. You don’t want to take a cane to a gunfight, so the cane became a crutch and it’s been visualized as that for the last couple hundred years,” Shuey said. “Today when you carry a cane, they think you’re a gimp.”
So what do you think? Time to drop Pilates for Cane Fu?
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Tags: cane, exercise, self defense, seniors
Posted in seniors | 1 Comment »
July 27th, 2009
Many more people are creating their own funerals at home, without the help or interference of a funeral parlor. They are even building coffins for the eventuality, that double as coffee tables, or bookcases until needed. According to a front page article in the New York Times, “Advocates say the number of home funerals, where everything from caring for the dead to the visiting hours to the building of the coffin is done at home, has soared in the last five years, putting the funerals “where home births were 30 years ago,” according to Chuck Lakin, a home funeral proponent and coffin builder in Waterville, Me.”
If you think about it, until fairly recently, this was how people buried their loved ones. It’s just been in the past hundred years or so that funeral homes came into being and the funeral industry became the $11 billion behemoth it currently is. But home burials require advance planning, and most people are loathe to bring up the subject. You also need a piece of land, as Central Park (suggested by a Times reader) won’t do, and New York is one of the few states where DIY is illegal. Now the interesting paradox is that you can bury any animal in your backyard, as I found out this week, when a friend of mine had to bury a horse.
As much as we could have a lot of fun with this, it’s not really dealing with the issue. Is there someone who knows what your wishes are or those of your family? Have you looked into alternatives; cremation (and no, you can not do that at home), donating the organs, or body to science? Here’s a link to a pretty good funeral directive, but you should check that it’s applicable in your state. And as crazy as it sounds, try writing your own obituary. It’s actually a very interesting and moving experience figuring out how you want to be remembered.
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Tags: directive, estate, family, funeral
Posted in directives, family, funeral | 2 Comments »
August 3rd, 2009
Americans no longer live in close proximity to their family members. Even though the recession has brought more families closer together physically, it’s not a strategy one can count on for the foreseeable future. You never know when you’re going to be pulled out of your comfortable existence and thrust into a family emergency.
In his book, “My Mother, Your Mother”, Dr. Dennis McCullough suggests creating a “Circle of Concern”. He suggests that the circle contains friends, neighbors, doctors, family members, people you can call on in case there’s a problem. This is especially important, if you’re not living nearby, or if someone is living on their own. Try to do this before there’s a crisis, that way your family member can give you input. There may be church members, friends from book club, or a neighbor that they’ve become friendly with that you haven’t heard of yet.
With the help of your family members, start a list; names, relationships, phone numbers, and e-mail addresses are important. Don’t forget to include what each member can bring to the table in case there’s a crisis. Maybe they can pick up a prescription, grab a loaf of bread, or just spread the word with family and friends. Don’t overlook the power of the Internet. There are sites like Carepages where you can set up blogs or websites to keep people updated. When my friend was extremely sick a few years ago, I used Outlook to set up a group e-mail list, so I could just send out quick updates. What’s worked for you?
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Tags: Add new tag, crisis, emergency, family, friends, list
Posted in crisis, family, lists | 2 Comments »
August 10th, 2009
It used to be a secret summer pleasure, speeding up Madison Avenue, getting all the lights, sitting in the back seat of a cab with the windows down, in the early warmth of a summer night. Fuhghettaboutit! Now it’s usually interrupted by the incessant noise of an endless cell phone rant. You’re probably wondering what a blog about taxis has to do with aging…honestly not much, but if cab drivers keep talking on their cell phones when driving…
A recent article in the New York Times talked about the dangers of taxi drivers talking on cell phones, and how rarely the laws against it are enforced. This is one of my pet peeves about riding in taxis and I guess I’m not the only one; The Times stopped the comments at 213. Too often the entire trip the driver is shouting into his headset. I’ve asked drivers to stop, and most times when you point out that it’s illegal, they do. Occasionally you get someone like the driver who told me it was an emergency. Well if it’s an emergency, then pull over, drop me off, and continue the conversation on the side of the road. When I insisted that he either drop me off, or stop talking, he finally ended the conversation, but it shouldn’t be a battle.
My friends who do the Lester & Charlie series have an interesting take on the whole taxi drive cell phone issue…they’re all tech support people for computer companies. You can view the video Lester & Charlie Taxi Driver. After you get through laughing, what’s your take on taxis & cell phones?
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Tags: aging, cell phone, driving, Taxi
Posted in Taxi, aging, boomers, driving | 2 Comments »
September 7th, 2009
Probably not equipped with GPS
What would you think if your shoes had a GPS built into them? Not that it’s going to be a big part of Prada’s next line, but hey, with Miuccia Prada and technology, one never knows. In a city like New York, it would be interesting to see where you’d been, and how many miles you schlep during the course of a day. Have any of you ever kept track?
Not long ago we talked about a Lojack device for seniors. The problem was that it made the wearer look like Bernie Madoff waiting for sentencing. Now GTX Corp and Aetrex Worldwide are coming out with a shoe that has a built in GPS system. This is from the Washington Post:
“The major advantage of the shoe, said Carle, who’s also a GTX adviser, “is that we’re hiding the . . . technology.” The idea is that a person with dementia might have bouts of paranoia but would be unlikely to remember there’s a tracking device in his shoe and try to rip it out. Also, Carle said, because people with dementia often retain their habitual memory, they’ll be likely to put on their shoes before going out.”
Good to know, in the future, I’ll still be putting on my Pradas one shoe at a time…
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Tags: Alzheimers, dementia, GPS, memory, Prada, shoes, wandering
Posted in Alzheimers, Technology, aging, seniors | No Comments »
August 17th, 2009
This was going to be a more upbeat blog this week, but I’m so angry about the way the health insurance reform proposal has been trashed, that it’s time for my two cents. First of all how many of you that have health insurance are happy with it? Not satisfied; happy. If you’re old enough to remember Woodstock, you’re old enough to remember when health insurance covered all doctors, and every procedure. Under managed care, none of my regular doctors are covered, so not only am I shelling out for insurance, then there are the doctors bills on top of that. So what exactly am I paying thousands of dollars a year for? We all know health insurance in this country is expensive, and unsustainable. Why can’t people stop shouting, and take a reasoned look at what’s being proposed?
The extent to which certain people have gone to to “misinterpret” the bill the House passed, is really disgusting. Is there anyone out there who hasn’t given thought to what they would want if confronted with a life ending disease/condition? Haven’t we all said at sometime to someone we care about, “Just put a gun to my head”? If only they could…And now, we are being given the option, under Medicare to have regular conversations with our doctors, about how we would like to exit this world. What could possibly be wrong with that? Dr. McCullough in his well reasoned book “My Mother, Your Mother” speaks to the importance of advance directives, and the need for their constant updating as situations change. The other critical need is that all family members are aware of what the advance directives contain and the documents must be readily available in case of an emergency.
The best way stop giving credence to the whack jobs and insurance lobby’s? Go online and download the advance directives for your state(s), fill them out, make copies, and let the people in your life who love you, know what’s in them and where they are.
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Tags: death, doctors, family, health, Insurance, reform
Posted in aging, directives, health insurance, love, people | 3 Comments »
August 24th, 2009
Have you ever gotten a letter from an insurance agent to come in and review your policy? You’ve never done it right
? My friend and insurance agent, David, used to send them out, and one night over dinner, when I complained about the lack of personalization on these letters, he asked if it would make a difference. “No one” he said, “ever comes in to review their policies.” He then went on to tell me about someone who was under-insured and trying to collect on a claim, unsuccessfully.
“That’s the problem, I said, “we’re all afraid that if we put in a claim it won’t be paid, and then the insurance company will bounce our coverage.” Like many others, I was afraid a review of my coverage would just end up costing my hundreds of dollars more. Recently, my policies were reviewed by a different agency, and yes, it was going to cost hundreds of dollars more. We have never put in a claim for either of the homes we own, or the cars we drive, my credit score is excellent. So then we must be really upgrading our coverage, right? Wrong. My husband likes to drive fast, really fast. Five years ago, he got a speeding ticket, a big one, and now, no one wants to insure us for anything.
This is what’s wrong with the insurance system in this country, and especially the health insurance (although home-owners probably comes in a close second). If you use it, you get punished. If you need it, you can’t collect on it. Four years later, look at the victims of Katrina, how many of them have actually collected? If you collect on it, your policy gets canceled, and you pay even more, for even less. When did this become acceptable? The debate about health insurance continues, but the truth of it is, we need an insurance system that works. For everyone, always.
One thing that you can do, the next rainy day, start making a list with photos or videos of your house, and all your valuables. If you have receipts, make them a part of the package. Make several copies, and keep them in safe, accessible places, just in case.
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Tags: health, homeowner, Hurricane, husband, Insurance, Katrina
Posted in Insurance, crisis, family, health insurance, people | 3 Comments »
August 31st, 2009
An interesting study from the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center on healthfinder.gov finds that end of life advice from doctors is not always welcome. The study says most families base their decisions on what they believe the patient would have wanted. It was assumed that a doctor’s opinion would help relieve (or share) the guilt of allowing someone to die. In the study, after seeing videos where the doctors did, and did not offer end of life advice, 42% of the surrogates said that they preferred the video where the doctor did not offer advice.
If you were making these decisions for an aging parent, would you want the doctor’s input? Or would you be left to figure out what the patient would want? Or, better still, how about starting a conversation now, so doctor or no, you do make an informed decision?
Here’s an exert from a great piece from the Family Caregiving Alliance on how to begin: Begin simply with yourself. Try to confront and understand any fears you might have: do they relate to the possibility of pain? Loss of dignity while undergoing treatment? Not being clearly understood by those around you? Being alone? Being overly-sedated or in a lingering state of unconsciousness? Leaving loved ones or unfinished projects behind? Leaving your loved ones without adequate financial resources? Dying in a strange place? Once you know that you want to explore these topics and make some plans, most experts suggest that you begin by talking. Talk openly to family and friends about your values and beliefs, your hopes and fears about the end stage of your life and theirs.
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Tags: aging, doctor, family, parents, talk
Posted in aging, conversation, family, parents | No Comments »
September 14th, 2009
Next week is Active Aging Week, and how many of you have heard of Nordic or Balance Walking? No, it’s not what they do in Scandinavia to cross the street, nor does it require snow or freezing cold temperatures. It was originally started by cross country skiers who wanted a way to workout in the off-season. It’s a form of walking with two poles, that to the rest of us look suspiciously like ski poles (that’s where the Nordic part comes in, get it?). Now, as with most exercises designed to get you to buy new equipment, you can’t just go into your garage and dust off whatever ski poles you haven’t used since the last century. What you need is a pair of walking/running shoes, something with a rocker bottom (think bottom of a rocking chair), and a set of poles. A good source for both is the Foot Solutions website. And here’s a good introduction to the technique.
You always hear that exercise is essential for all of us, and the more we are active as we get older, we stay flexible, and live longer, healthier lives. What are the advantages of Balance Walking? Because you are actively using your arms, you burn 40% more calories. They say if you do it right, you can actually burn as many calories as running, without all the wear and tear on your knees from the impact. You also strengthen upper body and core muscles and improve posture. Think arms like Michelle Obama without all those tricep kickbacks…
Even though my mother is a great walker, I worry about her balance, and with good reason. Each week, more than 30,000 Americans over the age of 65 are seriously injured by falling, and nearly 250 die from their injuries according to the National Safety Council. Getting her started Balance Walking would be a great thing. No more worries about uneven sidewalks in the city, icy winter weather, or uneven terrain in the country. A few other advantages for the Greatest Generation? Well it’s not exactly Cane Fu Fighting, but you see where I’m going with this, don’t you? Watch out aggressive bikers! And although you can certainly do it on your own, signing up with a group gives you social, mental and physical benefits. There are even Nordic Walking marathons for the truly committed among you. So, let go celebrate Active Aging Week! Are you up for it? I’ll see you in Central Park!
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Tags: active, aging, exercise, shoes, walking
Posted in aging, exercise, walking | 4 Comments »
September 21st, 2009
Ann Mehl with her mom
Ann Mehl a life coach and marathon runner has written eloquently for us before. Now she answers 10 questions about her experiences taking care of her mother.
1. How did it start?
My mother’s dementia showed itself gradually over time. Her memory loss and mental confusion escalated after my father passed five years ago.
2. Did you feel prepared for dealing with everything? Why or why not?
I did not feel prepared to handle all of the matters related to my mom’s paperwork and financial situation as she was equipped to address most issues personally prior to this. She was able to drive herself to doctor’s appointments, grocery shop, cook, clean her house, manage her bills and tend to her banking. Now she can’t do any of this. My mom became fearful to do most anything outside of the house due to her confusion, so this meant that she needed help with many personal and household tasks which I hadn’t anticipated managing on a regular basis as I do presently.
3. What did you find the most difficult/frustrating part?
My mom is physically in good shape but her mind plays tricks on her and it restricts her from living a full life. In addition, she sees what is happening to her and I find it incredibly frustrating that there isn’t much that we can do to help, beyond the attention that we give her as a family. She is able to observe her gradual decline and I find it difficult to see her struggle with the handicap when she is trying so hard to remain upbeat and positive. She used to knit and sew, as an example but now has a hard time figuring out her machine or remembering how to follow a pattern. I feel as though she doesn’t deserve this infliction as she is young at heart and has always been so unselfish with her time and love for others.
4. What surprised you most? If you knew then, what you know now, what would you have done differently?
I might have tried to recruit a support network of women who live locally who might visit my mom on a regular basis just for social stimulation and company if I had known how isolating dementia can be. Otherwise, I have no regrets in terms of how I am handling her and her situation as I am present on a daily basis and managing her needs.
5. How active/passive has your parent been?
My mom is a passive, sensitive woman who is shy and frightened by many things so she does not try to actively go beyond her comfort zone. She does not leave the house by herself or explore the limits to her condition without encouragement or another individual present.
6. How has the process improved your relationship with your parents or has it deteriorated?
I have expressed my love and care for my mom to her directly on a deep level regularly due to this change as I want for her to know that she is not alone as she tries to deal with this stage of her life. I was always close with my mom but I have dedicated even more time and attention to her in the midst of her crisis.
7. What makes you the most stressed?
I don’t know what lies ahead and I’d love to be certain of what will happen next, even though I know that the answers will come in due time. I find it challenging to take it one day at a time as I worry about how I will manage caring for my mom full-time while handling my own life and business.
8. What advice would you give someone?
1. Reach out and ask for help when you need it. Let all of your emotions out, especially when you are feeling sad and angry about the state of affairs with your aging parents as it is more healthy to let it up, then to bottle it all in. Feel the feelings.
2. Practice self-care in the midst of watching after your elders.
3. Remember to breathe when you are feeling extremely stressed or out of control.
4. Stay in the moment with whatever is happening. Avoid trying to get ahead of a situation or expecting a different reality than what is the truth.
5. Meet your aging elders where they are, rather than where you wish they’d be.
9. What was your ah-ha moment, the moment when it was all ok?
Seeing my mom enjoy a moment with me or smile after spending the day together helps to release the pressure valve. It gives me a chance to see that simply being there for her is enough, even if I can’t make everything better or different. It isn’t all o.k. but it is enough, that we are both trying our best, and I can be at peace with that.
10. What have you learned from this?
I have learned that there is nothing that I can’t handle and I have more grace and patience than I realized. I have also learned that in the midst of the struggle, there is learning and that I have a lot to give in terms of understanding and information for others, due to this experience.
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Tags: Alzheimers, dementia, experience, family, love, mom, planning
Posted in Alzheimers, aging, conversation, family, love | 1 Comment »
September 28th, 2009
Shades of Jurassic Park…
Which is the key to your DNA?
There’s a new service that allows you to save your DNA in a Swiss vault along with all your memories. It’s the Swiss DNA Bank, and it allows you to “Preserve yourself in Switzerland, the world’s safest place to be. Forever”. The premise is that you’re doing future generations a favor. This is from the site:
- Preserve a fresh memory of you after life. Your loved ones will never forget about you.
- Don’t waste your experiences, good or bad, but rather pass them on to help build a better world.
- You never know what science will be able to do with your DNA in the future.
Here’s the cynic’s take on this: haven’t you always wondered what it’s like for the families of famous people, like say, Jerry Orbach, to see their dearly departed re-run on TNT’s Law & Order, all night long? On the plus side, there are residuals, but what’s it like to be immortal on film? Do you want to be able to pull up the dead on the Internet ? Facebook resurrection pages?
And shouldn’t you pass your experiences on, good or bad, while you’re still here? What good is it sitting in a Swiss vault, gathering dust (do they have dust in Switzerland?)? Unlike wine, does experience get better with age? Is a gigabyte enough or do you upgrade to 4GB (the size of my iPod nano) for an additional $299?
Finally, for those of you who don’t remember Jurassic Park, they recreated dinosaurs from the DNA in a mosquito preserved in amber, and it didn’t turn out well. According to Wikipedia: “Often considered a cautionary tale on unconsidered biological tinkering in the same spirit as Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein…”
While it’s interesting to think about being recreated and coming back sometime in the future, what do you come back as? Yourself at the age you parked the DNA? A clone? An infant (who would raise you)? Some nasty warrior thing wrecking havoc on planet Earth? OK, so I’ve seen one too many bad disaster films.
Seriously though, would you spend $399 to park yourself in a Swiss vault?
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Tags: bank, DNA, life, memories, Swiss, vault
Posted in aging, family, legacy, memories, people | No Comments »
October 5th, 2009
Last week, a conversation with Sabina Ptacin, genius PR maven at Collective-e, and her own company Red Branch Public Relations, turned to the subject, as it so often does, of finding men in New York. She was telling me about someone she knew who was convinced that it was impossible to find love in New York once you’re “over the hill”. “I met my husband when I was in my 40’s” I said, “on the Internet”. After a dead silence on the other end of the phone, Sabina said it would be a great blog, so here goes.
About a dozen years ago, I was home recovering from some surgery, bored to death with daytime TV, and I decided to surf the net for personals. On a site, possibly webpersonals, was a picture of a man that really appealed to me. His
Does this look like an Internet serial killer to you?
profile had the top ten things he was looking for in a woman (something he got a lot of grief about), and a bonus question…you had to like France and the French. Well, I won a scholarship to the Chamber Syndicale de la Haute Couture, and lived in Paris for a year after college, so that one was easy. The rest were along the lines of you have to be smart, politically aware, like sex, and be tall. According to Frank, my husband, my best answer was to the tall question. “I’m 5′4″ but I have an extensive collection of 3″ heels, and I love tall men.
We e-mailed for about a month, and one day he sent me an e-mail that said “My friends say I’m working too hard, and turning into a dull guy. Do you have any advice?”. I screwed up all my courage, and typed back “why don’t you take a good looking blond out and buy her a drink?”. We met later that week, and hit it off completely. I would have invited him back to my place, but my brother was convinced he was an Internet serial killer (something he completely denies now), so that waited until the next date. We got married a year later, in a surprise wedding, and have lived happily ever after for 11 years now. Let me know if you’d like to know how to throw a surprise wedding, and I’ll put it in another blog.
Oh, and the weird part, although he says his picture was on the site for a long time, as one of their success stories, I could never find it again…ever.
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Tags: blog, dating, husband, Internet, love, men
Posted in love, memories, people | 6 Comments »
October 12th, 2009
Do you want this to be your legacy?
While it’s safe to say that no members of the Astor family will be taking away the Nobel Peace Prize (and congrats to President Obama) that’s not to say that we all haven’t been following the drama as it unfolds. Most of us are not in that financial stratosphere (and if you are, how about investing in this site?) but there are important lessons to be learned even if your estate consists of a minuscule savings account.
First, have a will. Surprisingly, in the survey we ran last month, of over 160 respondents, over a third of them didn’t have a will. The oldest group (70+), two out of three people did have a will, the third person hadn’t even started thinking of it. What are you waiting for? A free-for-all with your relatives and friends? A six month trial with endless appeals? In the age group 56-70 the majority had wills, but the numbers dropped significantly in the group 41-55 with only 54.7% having a will. This is a group that has children, but almost 25% of them didn’t have a will.
Even if you draft a basic document from one of the legal websites, like Legalzoom or go to Amazon.com for the Suze Orman’s Will & Trust Kit, it’s better than nothing at all, and no matter how much you may deny it, the thought of ________ getting their hands on your __________ should send you running to the lawyer.
Second, communicate with the people you care about. And communicate early. The more people who know what your wishes are, the less chance that your favorite Childe Hassam painting won’t disappear from over the sofa. Some people use the 40/70 rule for starting the conversation (meaning that when someone is either 40 or 70 start talking) but if you have children of any age, your estate should be in order to protect your children. And why would you want to make your passing any more painful for them by dying intestate (without a will)? On the CBS Moneywatch site there’s a great list of 12 tough questions to ask your parents, and don’t feel you have to limit it to your parents. You might want to go through the list yourself and make sure you have all these bases covered. That’s what I did before I approached my parents.
I’ve learned from having these conversations with my parents that it’s REALLY tough to break the ice, but once it’s broken, you’ll be surprised at how easy it is to work on this, one step at a time. And isn’t a good night’s sleep, knowing everything is taken care of, better than the nightmare of endless legal wrangling? Let me know how you’ve done. The next time we do a survey, I want 99% to have a will, ok?
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Tags: conversations, estate, family, legacy, power of attorney, will
Posted in aging, conversation, family, legacy, legal, memories, parents, will | 2 Comments »
October 19th, 2009
Every week, my husband and I take a 90 minute drive to our country house. It’s turned out to be a really good way to catch up on what’s happened during the week, toss ideas around, and have serious conversations. Since I’ve been working on the website, I’ve become very involved in getting people to plan for their parents’ futures, by planning for their own. One of the serious conversations we had recently was about end of life wishes, and it’s good to know that we’re both clear on what the other wants. 
The importance of this came home this past week, here’s the story:
If you’re in love enough to say “I do” why can’t you say “I don’t”?
We talk to our spouses and loved ones about so much, but often neglect the most important conversation. The one about what your end of life wishes are. Life support? DNR? Organ donation? A friend of mine lost her husband to pancreatic cancer Sunday. What makes this even sadder is while he had a will, and had provided for his wife of twenty years, they had never had “the Conversation”.
About 2:00 in the morning, she heard him gasping for breathe and called 911. Paramedics put him on life support and when they found out he had neither a health care proxy or living will, insisted she call a friend to meet her at the hospital. Tests were run to determine if he was brain dead, and in a state of shock, she alone had to make critical decisions. He was pronounced brain dead, she made the decision to pull the plug, and he passed about an hour later.
Please, if you love someone, talk to them. Here’s a link to Five Wishes, a health care proxy to get you started. It’s not easy, but it’s a lot easier than having to make life or death decisions, all alone in a cold emergency room at 3:00 in the morning.
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Tags: driving, family, health, Information, parents, talk
Posted in aging, boomers, conversation, crisis, driving, family, parents, people, will | No Comments »
November 30th, 2009
Remember reverse mortgages? Next up, reverse life insurance, or life settlements. Life settlements refers to the sale of a life insurance policy by its owner to an investor who will collect the death benefit. From the same group that took reasonable mortgages, and packaged them as investment vehicles, we now have insurance settlements, and the same “packaging” that brought down Wall Street, may strike again. Check out this video from a recent Good Morning America.
The next financial crisis?
So, how does this work?
Life settlements should be considered by anyone who has a life insurance policy that is no longer needed or wanted, or where the burden of premium payment has become too great. For example; a person who bought a policy while they had young children who are now grown up, or a policy purchased by an older person with relatively high premiums that they can no longer afford. There are many investors who purchase life settlements, as well as many brokers who arrange for sales. While the most desirable policies from an investor standpoint are Universal Life Policies, other types of policies, such as term policies, can be sold. These differ from “Viatical” settlements, which are the purchase of a policy from someone who is terminally ill at an unfair price. This practice is highly regulated and can be prohibited in many circumstances.
If you think a life settlement might be for you, proceed with caution. Please make sure you have a trusted lawyer, or reputable financial advisor to guide you. As with so many things connected with seniors and money, there are any number of scams connected with life settlements. One of the most common, involves someone asking you to buy a life insurance policy and offering to pay the premiums in exchange for that person splitting profits from the sale of the life settlement with you. These practices are highly questionable from a regulatory standpoint and subject to challenge by insurers.
My thanks to Darren L. Ofsink of Guzov Ofsink, LLC for his expertise in this field, and especially his patience in making this understandable to me, and I hope, all of you.
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Tags: death, Insurance, lawyer, life, scam
Posted in Insurance, legal, seniors | No Comments »
October 26th, 2009
If you thought you had issues with your parents and driving, just imagine getting this call…
Does this look like your father's lounger?
A 61 year old man in Minnesota pleaded guilty Monday to DWI. Dennis LeRoy Anderson was sentenced to two years probation. He was busted last summer when he drove his motorized recliner into a parked car at the local watering hole. Yes, really.
According to the Star Tribune: Deputy Police Chief Troy Foucault said Thursday that the chair is “quite decked out.” Along with the stereo and cup holders, it is driven by a converted gasoline-powered lawnmower, and has a steering wheel, headlights and a power antenna. Foucault estimated that the La-Z-Boy can top out at 15 to 20 miles per hour. A National Hot Rod Association sticker adorns the headrest. The chair was impounded and will be sold at the next police auction, or according to the BBC, on e-Bay.
Wreckreaction Nation anyone?
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Tags: driving, father, parents, stories
Posted in Fathers, driving, family | 2 Comments »
November 2nd, 2009
Earlier this week, I got an e-mail from Facebook; a friend had sent me a message. And the message? That the mother of an old friend “…passed away yesterday. I thought you would want to know. XO”
Does this look like an addict?
Yes, I’d like to know, thank you, because both of this friend’s parents were pretty amazing people, and I will miss them. Maybe this is old fashioned, but shouldn’t news like that at least merit a direct e-mail? This is my oldest friend, dating back to high school. We’ve been at college together, worked and partied in Hong Kong at the same time, and stayed friends for more than 35 years. But now he’s addicted to Facebook.
Seriously. No one in our circle of friends, family and acquaintances, can contact this person through regular e-mail, it all has to go through Facebook. When I was home last spring, my cousin startled me by asking “So when are you getting together for coffee with W?” I must have given him that deer-in-headlights, Sarah Pallin look, because he said, “Saw it on Facebook”.
My mother is part of the generation that believes you are only in the paper when you’re born, married, and dead. As a self proclaimed media slut, I’ve fallen far from that, but still I think there should be some space between your private life, and that which is posted on the Internet.
In the interest of planning for the future, I want the following known: when I die, please no posting on Facebook, just send them my obit to “memorialize” my profile page, no tweets, or RT’s.
How do you want to be remembered in cyberspace?
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Tags: addict, death, Facebook, family, friends, parents
Posted in family, parents, people | 2 Comments »
November 7th, 2009
While posting on blogher, I came across a fascinating piece about a new service to care for your pets (and in four states: horses, camels, llamas and donkeys) after “the Rapture”. The service, Eternal Earthbound Pets has a team of “confirmed atheists” who “will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward.” It’s a pretty out-there concept, but it got me thinking, what happens to pets when their owners die? And how does anyone know that dogs won’t be first in line at the Pearly Gates?
This is Midori, a year old spayed female up for adoption
If your parents or loved ones have pets, it’s another chance to talk about what their wishes are. The guidelines according to the Humane Society are very similar to estate planning for humans. They encourage you to set up a trust for the care of your pets, appoint caregivers, and make sure family and neighbors know how many pets you have, who the emergency caregivers are, and their contact information. Here’s a link to a great factsheet they’ve put out.
Don’t you think it would be easier to start “the Conversation” over the future care of a beloved animal?
And if you don’t have a pet? Think about adoption. Midori here is up for adoption at the Humane Society of Knox County, Maine. According to Thive NYC, having and walking a dog will boost your exercise level five-fold. “Dog walking is a lot more rewarding than standing on a treadmill. If treadmills were the answer there wouldn’t be so many of them holding up clothes”. So, which would get you to get up and walk? A large and expensive coat hanger, or man’s best friend?
BIG NEWS: I was just accepted into the Blogging Boomers Carnival, so please be sure to check out BloggingBoomers Carnival #138 being hosted this week at the Boomer Chronicles.
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Tags: dogs, estate, heaven, parents, pets, planning, wishes
Posted in conversation, exercise, family, parents, people, walking | 2 Comments »
November 13th, 2009
Yes, another blog about men and bars (dogs too).
This time, our 81 year old protagonist walks into a bar in Queens, to wager with OTB (off track betting for you non-New Yorkers), trips over a dog lying on the floor, and is suing the bar. But wait, it’s not what you think. He’s suing the bar because the fall caused him “severe pain, shock, mental anguish” and ruined his sex life with his wife, Jaclyn.
Could this ruin your sex life?
Has that sunk in yet? 81 years old and his sex life is ruined???? By a Pomeranian? No news on how much he thinks his sex life is (or was) worth, or who the lawyer is who thinks the case has merit. And just for the record, no one in the bar at the time remembers this incident. Wouldn’t you think that if he fell hard enough to smash his knee, someone would have noticed and called for an ambulance? No one is claiming the errant Pomeranian either. For the full story, check out the article in the NY Daily News. Here’s one of the comments: “wrecked his sex life??!! It probably wrecked his dreams of being star quarterback too..”
Maybe once you reach retirement age, aging at home should be for both you and the scotch? What do you think? Should we be cheering this guy on for having a sex life in his 80’s? Shouldn’t Mayor Bloomberg pass some local ordinance about tripping hazards in watering holes?
Don’t forget to check out this week’s Blogging Boomers Carnival.
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Tags: bar, dogs, lawyer, men, sex
Posted in aging, people, seniors, stories, walking | No Comments »
November 20th, 2009
I was never one of those women who pictured herself in a big white gown, walking down the aisle. For me it was more about getting married in Las Vegas by an Elvis impersonator on the Strip and having a great party in New York afterward.
When Frank and I decided to get married, my only stipulation was that my mother didn’t know about it. If that sounds harsh, understand the women on my mother’s side of the family tend to be a little obsessive. To compound that, my mother and my aunt are twins, my aunt lives in Manhattan, and used to be one of the famous fact checkers at the New Yorker. If the twins knew about the wedding, it would be endless obsession over food, drink, napkins, guests… everything.
As we usually host Thanksgiving, the plan was to get married the next afternoon. A justice of the peace was found who would come to our country house and perform the ceremony. We told everyone he was an architect coming to look at the house, and he was great about playing along.
On Friday afternoon, a few friends and family were up at our house eating turkey sandwiches, hanging out in their slippers. My best friend/maid of honor, and I were frantically trying to put the Martha Stewart touch to a bunch of lily of the valley. When the justice of the peace showed up, I came down the stairs in an off white cashmere turtleneck and velvet skirt and said “I know you thought we were going to announce our engagement tonight, and we still might, but right now we’re getting married”. Supposedly the look on my father’s face was amazing, and I’m sorry I missed it.
After the brief ceremony, we had champagne and cake, and went off to a celebratory dinner at the Beekman Tavern in Rhinebeck. My mother was thrilled, and as it turned out, grateful that she didn’t have to do anything but enjoy herself.
Three weeks later, we had the big party at our apartment in Manhattan, surrounded by friends and family. The highlight of the party was an amazing wedding cake made by two of my friends out of two hundred Tastykakes (Frank is from Philly). 
And for the past eleven years, we’ve lived happily ever after, always celebrating our anniversary on the Friday after Thanksgiving. Love you sporto!
Don’t forget to check out this week’s Blogging Boomers Carnival, and have a Happy Thanksgiving!
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Tags: family, father, friends, husband, love, mom, parents
Posted in Fathers, family, love, memories, parents, people | 4 Comments »
